Free When Harry Met Sally by Nora Ephron Page B

    Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must be retaining water.
    SALLY     Harry.
    HARRY     Believe me, the woman saved everything.
    CUT TO :
    EXT. PLANT SHOP—DAY

Sally is paying for a plant. Harry is just staring blankly into a ficus. Sally approaches
.
    SALLY     You sure you’re okay?
    HARRY     Oh, I’m fine. Look, it had to happen at some point. In a city of eight million people you’re bound to run into your ex-wife. So, boom, it happened. And now I’m fine.
    CUT TO :
    INT. JESS AND MARIE’S APARTMENT—DAY

A nice West Side floor-through with a beautiful fireplace and a great deal of furniture—about twice as much furniture as is necessary, as a matter of fact
.
    Marie and Jess in sneakers, jeans, baggy shirts, are clearly in the middle of some sort of dispute. Harry is still distracted. There are a few unpacked boxes—some books, a couple of ashtrays, a glass, etc
.
    JESS     It works. I like it. It says home to me.
    MARIE     
(to Jess)
    Okay, okay, we’ll let Harry and Sally be the judge.    
(to Sally and Harry)
    What do
you
think?
    Marie points to a large wagon wheel that’s been made into a coffee table with a round plate of glass over it
.
    Harry looks at Jess, who’s glaring at him
.
    HARRY     It’s nice.
    JESS     Case closed.
    Jess smiles, victorious
    MARIE     Of course he likes it. He’s a guy. Sally?
    Sally crinkles up her nose
.
    JESS     What’s so awful about it?
    MARIE     It’s so awful there’s no way even to begin to explain what is so awful about it.
    JESS     Honey, I don’t object to any of
your
things.
    MARIE     If we had an extra room, we could put all your things in it, including your bar stools, and …
    JESS     Wait, wait, honey, honey, wait, wait. You don’t like my bar stools?
    Marie looks at him. Of course she doesn’t
like his bar stools
.
    Jess turns to Harry for help
.
    Harry, we now see, has wandered away and stands by the window and he’s staring out like a forlorn figure in a Magritte painting
.
    JESS     Harry, come on.
(beat)
Someone has to be on my side.
    No response from Harry
.
    MARIE     I’m on your side. I’m just trying to help you have good taste.
    JESS     I have good taste.
    MARIE     Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor, but they couldn’t possibly all.
    Harry stands up, looks around the room
.
    HARRY     You know, it’s funny—we started out like this, Helen and I. We had blank walls. We hung things. We picked out tiles together. Then you know what happens? Six years later you find yourself singing “Surrey with the Fringe on Top” in front of Ira.
    SALLY     Do we have to talk about this right now?
    HARRY     Yes, I think that right now is actually the perfect time to talk about this, because I want our friends to benefit from the wisdom of my experience.
(he’s becoming more and more upset)
Right now everything is great. Everyone is happy. Everyone is in love. And that’s wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you’re gonna be screaming at each other about who’s gonna get this dish.
(he picks up a cracked ashtray)
This eight-dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of “That’s mine, this is yours.”
    SALLY     Harry—
    HARRY     
(to Sally)
    Please.
(to Jess and Marie)
Jess, Marie, do me a favor. For your own good.
Put your name in your books
. Right now. Before they get mixed up and you don’t know whose is whose. Because someday, believe it or not, you’ll go fifteen