Free Why Did She Have to Die? by Lurlene McDaniel

Nash?” Elly blurted out. She clapped her hand over her mouth to keep other fears from spilling out.
    Anita Nash smiled, her warm brown eyes softening. “Elly, a person can’t go through what you went through and not have problems. Nothing is more traumatic than losing a member of one’s family.”
    “But Kathy died weeks ago.”
    “How long has your leg been in a cast?”
    “Since—since the accident.”
    “Your emotions were hurt—just like your leg was, Elly. Would you expect them to heal any quicker?”
    Elly pondered the doctor’s words. They made sense. The pain in her heart hurt far more than her leg ever had. “How long before I forget?”
    Dr. Nash reached out and touched the back of Elly’s hand, which was clutched tightly in her lap. “You may never forget. But you will be able to come to grips with your grief and live on in spite of it. Accepting death comes in stages.”
    “I don’t know what you mean.”
    “Let me explain. First, there’s denial.” Elly recalled not believing her parents when they’d told her about Kathy in the hospital. “Next comes anger, then grief, and finally, acceptance. There’s no time limit on how long any one stage will last. Frankly, you’re still feeling anger. That’s why you’ve been acting the way you have. You’re a very angry girl, Elly.”
    “I still don’t want to sit around and talk about it with a bunch of strangers.”
    “Just one visit, Elly. That’s all I’m asking. Come one time and meet the others. Your parents will be attending an adult support group and each of you will be stronger for it. Sometimes, people need help from other people. Give it a chance. You won’t be sorry.”

    * * * *

    A group of ten kids sat around a conference table in Dr. Nash’s other office. They looked up curiously when Dr. Nash introduced Elly, but everyone smiled and greeted her as if they already knew her. Elly shyly took a chair, determined to make herself as unnoticeable as possible.
    “How was your week, Jamie?” Dr. Nash directed her question toward a plump boy of about eleven.
    Jamie pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and grinned. “Okay. I wrote down my feelings, like you said, about what I thought about when my brother died.”
    “Tell us about it.”
    Jamie thumbed through some papers in front of him. “Sam was four when he got cancer. I felt real sorry for him. And scared because I didn’t want it to happen to me. I was glad it wasn’t me, but sorry because I was glad.”
    An electric current shot up Elly’s spine. That’s how she’d felt, too. Secretly, she’d been glad she hadn’t died, yet sorry that she felt glad.
    Jamie continued. “All the time Sam was in the hospital, everybody gave him presents and lots of attention. They forgot about me. Nobody cared— not even my parents.” Jamie blinked and let his next words out in a rush. “Sometimes I wanted him to hurry up and die so I could have Mom and Dad back again.”
    Elly glanced around the table and saw kids nodding their heads in understanding. Jamie’s honesty shocked her. Was it possible to feel that way? She thought about all the times she wished she were as pretty and popular as Kathy. She remembered how she sometimes felt jealous when her father had given Kathy special attention.
    “Then when Sam did die, I couldn’t stop crying.” Jamie’s voice sounded small. “I thought I had wished him dead.”
    “But that’s not possible, is it, Jamie?” Dr. Nash asked.
    A sheepish smile crossed Jamie’s face. “No. Sam died of cancer.”
    By the time the hour was up, Elly had heard several of the kids share their feelings and she felt strangely at ease. When the group shared jokes, Elly had laughed, really laughed, for the first time in weeks. She felt very close to these kids, even though she had just met them. They were all different, but they were all alike, too. They’d all lost someone special to them. When Dr. Nash asked Elly if she would come to the next