Free Mr. Hynde Is Out of His Mind! by Dan Gutman

1
Boring, Snoring Mr. Loring
    My name is A.J. and I hate school.
    I hate reading.
    I hate writing.
    I hate arithmetic.
    But there’s one horrible subject that I really hate more than anything else.
    Music.
    Music is so dumb! Music is the mostboring subject in the history of the world. Why do we need music class in school, anyway? It’s not like I’m going to grow up to be a singer. When I grow up, I’m going to be a professional dirt bike racer.
    In first grade last year, the music teacher, Mr. Loring, made us sing all these totally corny songs from prehistoric times, like “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” and “Michael, Row the Boat Ashore.” Mr. Loring loves boats, I guess. He’s weird.
    He’s about a million hundred years old, and he has long gray hair. Mr. Loring told us that when he was a kid back in the last century, TV wasn’t even invented yet. Can you imagine living in a world without TV? It must have been horrible! I would die if I didn’t have TV.
    Mr. Loring’s favorite song for us to sing was “Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar?” You know the song:
    Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
    A.J. stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
    Who me?
    Yes you.
    Couldn’t be.
    Then who?
    Ryan stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
    I used to like that song, but Mr. Loring made us sing it so many times that Inever wanted to eat another cookie for the rest of my life.
    Mr. Loring’s other favorite song was “Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.” That song got really old too. If any monkeys ever jumped on my bed, I would sell the bed. That’s disgusting! I don’t even like it when my sister jumps on my bed. Forget about monkeys.

    â€œEverybody line up!” said my teacher, Miss Daisy, after we finished pledging the allegiance.
    â€œLine up for what?” we all asked.
    â€œIt’s time to go to music,” Miss Daisy said.
    â€œYippee!” said Andrea Young, this really annoying girl with curly brown hair.

    â€œBoo!” said just about everybody else. Nobody except Andrea and her friend Emily wanted to go see boring, snoring Mr. Loring.
    Andrea loves everything about school.She even loves homework. One day Andrea asked Miss Daisy if we could have more homework! Can you imagine asking your teacher to give you more homework?
    Andrea is weird.

2
Goody Two-Shoes Andrea
    Miss Daisy let Andrea (the little brownnoser) be the line leader when we walked down the hall to the music room. Her little crybaby friend Emily was the door holder. I walked with my pals Ryan and Michael.
    We had just turned the corner outsideour classroom when I saw the most horrible thing in the history of the world. It was a sign on the wall by the office:
    Â 
    NEXT WEEK IS TV TURNOFF WEEK !
    DON’T FORGET TO TURN OFF YOUR TV !
    Â 
    â€œOh no!” Ryan groaned. “Say it’s not true!”
    â€œI’ll die without TV!” said Michael. “TV Turnoff Week is the worst week of the year!”
    â€œIt’s the worst week in the history of the world,” I said.
    â€œWhat are we going to do all week without TV?” asked Ryan.
    â€œI might go crazy,” said Michael.
    It was even worse than we thought. The sign said that TV Turnoff Week had been such a success last year that they decided to make it TV Turnoff Month this year! Four whole weeks with no TV!
    â€œGuys, this is the end of the world as we know it,” I said.
    â€œOh, you boys are silly,” Andrea said. “TV is for silly dumbheads anyway. I never watch TV. I’d rather spend my time singing or playing a musical instrument.”
    Andrea takes violin lessons and piano lessons and dancing lessons and singing lessons and just about every other kind of dumb lessons they have. If they give lessons in anything , Andrea takes them. Ifthey gave lessons in how to take lessons, Andrea would probably take them .
    â€œMy mother told me that music