Battle of the Dum Diddys

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Authors: R.L. Stine
tickets?” he asked. “Is there a prize?”
    â€œNo. No prize,” I said. “Okay, who’s first? Tell you what. I’ll give you a break. Three tickets for two dollars.”
    The big kid was blocking the line. “But what kind of tickets are they?” he asked. “What are they good for?”
    â€œThey’re Good Luck tickets,” I said. “Everyone wants good luck—right? Good Luck tickets for only a dollar!”
    The cute little angels waved their money in the air. I started to drool. This was so EASY.
    But Joshua Bradly Belcher poked his freckled face up against mine. “How do we know they’re real Good Luck tickets?” he asked.
    â€œCheck ’em out,” I said. I held up a ticket. “It says GOOD LUCK right on it.”
    The kids all stared at the ticket. They pushed forward. They wanted their tickets.
    â€œOkay, one at a time. One at a time,” I said. I reached for the first dollar. And felt someone squeeze my shoulder.
    I looked up—and saw Mrs. Twinkler, the Drama Coach. “Come with me, Bernie,” she said. She tightened her hold on my shoulder and dragged me away.
    â€œKids—wait right there!” I cried. “Don’t anybody move.”
    But they’d already started kicking one another.
    Mrs. Twinkler pulled me across the lawn to a shady spot under an apple tree.
    â€œBernie…” she said.
    I hated the way she said it.
    â€œI can explain about the Good Luck tickets,” I said. “I was giving them out free. Would you like one?”
    She took the ticket from me. “Bernie, you sparkle and shine!” she said.
    She talks like that all the time. She’s very dramatic. She’s always telling us to reach for the stars. But since the stars are about a billion miles away, I don’t really get it.
    â€œI was watching you trying to sell those tickets,”she said. “And I was so impressed with you, Bernie.”
    Huh? Did she say impressed ?

    â€œYou glow!” she said. “Such energy! Like a blazing star lighting up the solar system!”
    â€œYes, I know,” I said.
    â€œThe way you hold an audience,” she said, “wow, wow, wow.”
    â€œOh, I get it,” I said. “You want me to star in the school play?”
    She flashed me a twinkling smile.
    â€œI loved the last school play you did,” I said. “What an awesome show. The kid who played Scooby Doo was terrific. I really believed he was Scooby Doo!”
    â€œThank you, Bernie,” she said, still grinning at me.
    â€œSo what part do you have in mind for me?” I asked. “Of course, it’s a starring part. Right?”
    â€œForget the school play,” she said. “I have a better idea.”
    â€œA better idea?”
    Mrs. Twinkler grabbed both of my shoulders. “I’m going to put you in charge of the annual school pageant,” she said. “You’ll be the pageant director.”
    â€œReally? How much does the job pay?” I asked.
    â€œThis year the pageant is something really exciting,” she said. “Wow, wow, wow. It’s a reenactment of the Battle of Rotten Town from 1650.”
    â€œWow, wow, wow,” I said. “I’ll get busy on that right away, Mrs. T. How much does it pay?”
    â€œThis pageant is going to be WONDERFUL!” she cried. “FABULOUS! Oh, my! Did I say GLORIOUS?”
    â€œI’ll do my best,” I said. “Does the director get paid?”
    â€œI’ll order the costumes,” she said. “I’ll have them sent to your room. And I’ll get the script to you as soon as I finish it!”
    She slapped me on the back. “Sparkle and shine!” she cried. “This is so exciting! Wow, wow, wow!”
    â€œYou can count on me,” I said. I watched her twinkle off to the School House.
    When I turned around, Feenman and Crench were standing right behind me.

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