Free Sister Heart by Sally Morgan Page A

land
    crying for home
    How will Mum find me?
    No tracks in the sea
    How will I find her?
    No signs to follow home

    Night brings sleep
    Sleep brings dreams
    Bad dreams
    Good dreams
    Tossing and turning dreams
    I dream
    I am hunting bush food
    with Mum and Granny
    My little sister rides Mum’s hip
    and babbles new words
    Ssh, little sister!
    We won’t catch dinner
    if you can’t be quiet!
    Granny points with her stick
    Claw marks in the red dirt
    goanna tracks
    I creep forward
    There! Behind a rock
    A tail
    Little sister squeals
    arms stretch wide
    big hug for goanna
    Dinner runs
    Gone!
    Aw, Mum
    I growl
    I’m hungry
    I wake crying
    rocking
    moaning
    holding my middle
    Not hungry
    Sick!

    My insides heave
    Reverend says
    You are seasick
    It will pass
    when you find your sea legs
    A little bread
    a little water
    will settle your stomach
    I don’t want bread and water
    I want Mum’s soft voice saying
    Ssh, ssh
    you’ll feel good by sunrise
    Reverend grumbles
    Come now child
    no more nonsense
    Take a little bread and water
    In goes bread and water
    Out shoots bread and water
    The sea is inside me
    I am dying

    Little bit by little bit
    guts stop swirling
    head stops spinning
    mouth stops spewing
    I hold down bread and water
    put my feet on the floor
    wait till dizzy passes
    take a step
    Reverend smiles
    Your sea legs have arrived!
    Not sea legs
    My
legs
    land legs
    What’s wrong with him?
    Now child
    can you say
    Thank you Reverend Dale
    for helping me when I was sick?
    It’s good manners
    to say thank you
    when someone helps you
    Why should I thank him?
    He stuck me on the ship
    I’m sure
    if your mother
    was here
    she would want you to be grateful
    If Mum was here
    I’m sure
    she would whack
    whack
    whack him
    with her fighting stick

    Reverend says
    Now you’re feeling better
    would you like to hear a story?
    He holds something up
    This is a book
    This book is called a bible
    God’s wisdom lives inside this book
    I will read you some stories
    He reads me the story
    of a man named Daniel
    who is fed to hungry animals
    The story of a man named Joseph
    who is dropped into a deep hole
    The story of a man named Samson
    who is put in chains
    This last story is my favourite
    It is about a man named Jonah
    who is flung into the sea
    and swallowed by a whale …
    Reverend rests the bible on his knees
    stretches his arms wide
    A whale is like a giant fish
    He loves the story so much
    he starts to read it again
    I slip my hands
    under my curls
    cover my ears
    block his whining voice
    I am not listening
    In my head
    I’m someplace else
    I hear the crack of flaming wood
    smell smoky campfire burning
    lean against Mum’s knee
    listen to grannies tell stories
    In my head
    I’m home

    Sea is cold
    Ship is cold
    I am cold
    cold
    cold
    And afraid
    I huddle under a blanket
    hug myself
    rock
    cry
    Can’t see anyone
    they can’t see me
    Safer in here
    Reverend pulls my blanket away
    You would try
    the patience of a saint
    he huffs
    You need fresh air
    He pulls me up
    Fresh air is healthy for children
    He drags me with him
    I stomp, stomp, stomp!
    Stop that!
    But I don’t

    Reverend says
    Soon the ship
    will stop at our first port of call
    Watch for land in the distance
    a dot that gets bigger
    or a flat hill
    I thought the saltwater
    went on forever
    I hope you find your voice soon, child
    Reverend’s got that look
    on his face again
    The snappy look he gets
    when I won’t speak
    How will I know
    when you want something
    if you won’t tell me?
    I want to go home
    I want to smell warm rock
    Run along a sandy creek
    with my cousins
    Watch flowers grow
    after rain comes
    Hug little sister
    The ship sails and stops
    sails and stops
    I see land
    But I can’t walk it
    can’t dig my toes into the dirt
    can’t run
    Reverend says
    We’ve still got a long way to go
    before we reach our destination
    The ship sails
    and sails
    and sails me
    far
    far
    far