Free Sister Heart by Sally Morgan

one

    Here I am
    curled in the corner
    of a cold stone room
    with no one to hug
    but me
    A too-high window
    throws shadow lines
    on the moonlit floor
    Shadow lines
    Hard lines
    Straight lines
    Barred lines
    Like lines on a map
    slashing hills and creeks
    ridges and plains
    rocks and spinifex
    Old people laughed
    when Mum told them
    about the Boss’s paper map
    Grandpa Mick shook his head
    Hills won’t move for a line
    Trees won’t bend for a line
    Granny Rosy flicked her hand
    Pah — inside the lines
    Outside the lines
    It’s all our country!
    But here I am
    Trapped by lines
    walls
    window
    door
    shadows on the moonlit floor
    Fencing me in
    Cutting me off
    Slicing me away
    Making me cry
    cry
    cry
    for home

    Morning light streaks
    through the too-high window
    tickles my sore eyes
    teases my skin
    Bully boots
    thud, thud, thud
    Big keys jangle
    clink-clank clink-clank
    Door gives a rusty warning
    Right you – out!
    I shrink
    small as a spider
    press my face to the wall
    He yanks me up
    like a sack of flour
    Fist opens
    Here — eat this
    Not from him
    No bread from
him!
    I spit on his bully boots
    He drops the stale bread
    Clouts my ear
    Been hit before
    Been hit on the station
    when I spilled tea on Boss’s visitors
    when I got in the way
    when I asked Boss a question
    Policeman sneers
    Why the Government’s
    wasting schooling on
    ungrateful kids like you
    beats me
    He pulls me forward
    Out!
    Where is he taking me?
    Where is my mum?

    Rough hands
    hurry me
    down a sandy track
    empty of Mum
    empty of anything
    except a swarm of flies
    buzzing a dead bird
    My ear throbs
    chest aches
    sobs bubble inside
    Down
    down
    down
    the track
    to the big saltwater
    Mum’s not here
    I look around
    She’s not here
    not there
    not anywhere
    Policeman yanks my chin up
    Look at me!
    I – will – not – look – at – him
    If I look
    I hear myself screaming
    to be let out of the store room
    hear Aunty Adie begging
    hear policeman telling Boss
    Thank you for confining this child
    No tricks
    do you hear me?
    He straightens up
    About time!
    My heart jumps
    Mum?

    A stooped stranger
    plods forward
    shooing flies
    with a stiff straw hat
    Is this the girl?
    She’s all yours, Reverend
    Got the manners of a camel!
    Reverend says
    Can she speak any English?
    She can speak it alright
    but don’t bother talking to her
    she won’t answer
    I’ve got more important jobs
    than babysitting kids!
    Reverend says
    God holds us all to a higher duty
    He reaches out a plump hand
    I kick
    squirm
    try to free myself
    Policeman shakes me
    Hey — I said no tricks!
    Reverend grasps my other arm
    I’ll take charge of her
    Hold her tight
    policeman says
    She’ll run like the wind
    if she can
    These kids are fast
    I am caught between them
    Reverend leans close
    My name is Reverend Dale
    I’m sailing on the ship too
    I will look after you at sea
    He points
    See that ship out there?
    Far out
    something rides
    the wrinkled water
    Is it a ship?
    I don’t know
    I’ve never seen a ship
    I’m a freshwater girl
    It looks small from here
    but it’s huge
    That ship can travel a long way
    It will get us safely to our destination
    He gives me an impatient smile
    So you see
    there’s nothing to worry about
    I gaze at the thing floating far out
    If it is a ship
    it won’t take me home
    No big saltwater to travel in my country
    If it is a ship
    it will take me somewhere else
    Why can’t I go home?

    I hate the stinking ship
    for sailing me
    far
    far
    far away
    I hate the smiley Reverend
    for forcing me
    on the ship
    even though I kicked him
    I hate the bully policeman
    for snatching me
    from the station
    when Mum was working
    at the out-camp
    I am lost
    lost
    lost
    in my saltwater tears

    I watch the waves rise
    heave
    fall
    Salty spray
    clings to my skin
    like a damp blanket
    Slowly
    slowly
    slowly
    the big saltwater swallows the land
    I spin round and round
    crying for