Free The Feria by Julia Bade

spoke to. It was clear that her sharp words were targeted at her father. She could barely get her words out. “I never said goodbye.”
    The dam broke, and she sobbed violently into her mother’s legs. Visions of Suki screamed through her mind. Soledad’s fifth birthday, cooking in Abuelita’s kitchen with Suki, when Suki’s husband died, when Soledad’s grandfather died. Suki had always been there.
    “ Gracias, Jose.” Soledad’s father saw the messenger out. She listened to him walk over to where she lay at her mother’s feet, then stop.
    Soledad could sense her father reaching out to her, and she immediately tensed, hopefully stopping him from touching her.
    When Soledad was sure her father was out of her presence, she, too, got up and retreated, leaving her mother still sitting on the sofa.
    Each member of the family was instructed to pack for a week’s stay at Abuelita’s house. They were to stay with her for a few days and help her through the loss of her dear lifelong friend.
    Soledad could not help but feel guilty that she was so excited to be returning to Mexico. She felt guilty that she was thankful to Suki for giving her this one last chance. This was her great escape.
    She carefully combed her room for things she could not bear to leave behind. She packed some Hardy Boys books, her Bible that her mother had given her at her Quinceañera , and, despite how she felt about her father, she packed the gold locket he’d given her at the same occasion. If anything, she and Xavier could sell it if need be. There were a few other things as well, but she had to limit the items so as not to call attention to herself.
    As her family crossed the border into Mexico, Soledad could not help but feel desperation as she anxiously stared after any pedestrian who resembled Xavier.
    Her father cleared his throat. Her discomfort and continued movement was obvious.
    As they pulled up to her grandmother’s house, it looked so depressed. The house had always had a magic about it with the two old ladies, and now one of the complementary pieces was gone.
    The house was full of neighbors who had come to pay their respects. Soledad truly believed Xavier might be here, and her heart held onto that hope. But it quickly dissolved as she examined each face. It was like a maze getting to Abuelita , but once with her, it felt as though she were the one comforting everyone else.
    She held Soledad in her arms as she sobbed. Those arms had always had some bravery and comfort for Soledad in her hardest of days. This was one of Abuelita’s hardest of days, yet her strength never wavered.
    Although it was a time to mourn for Suki, Soledad wished in those very moments with her grandmother holding her that she could spill everything out to her. Her father’s treachery, the story of her first love, how she was going to give up Stanford and run away with Xavier. There was so much she carried, and Abuelita would gladly help her carry it. She honestly, for a split second, began a sentence. But she quickly worked to hold herself together. There was nothing her grandmother could do.
    The next morning at the burial, Soledad sobbed with great force. Not only was she mourning the loss of her second grandmother, but she sobbed selfishly as she learned that Xavier had gone with the feria , and she would be back in El Paso, possibly married, by the time he returned.
    As the priest gave the benediction: “ En el nombre del Padre, del Hijo, y del Espiritu Santo, ” she remembered the three steps of her porch that had always led her into her refuge every day of her life. But this thought did nothing for her. There was nothing left in her. She belonged in the ground with Suki ... for she was dead.

Chapter 12
    Soledad returned to El Paso defeated. The border that her precious Xavier would never be able to cross felt like a jail warden. As they drove to their home, she looked out her window at a community park. So many free souls filled the green grass,