Free Let Me Love You by Amy Davies Page A

ruin this please.” He looks so pained.
    I can’t look at him. I can’t look at his face because I know it’s going to look hurt and I can’t take that at this moment. I close my eyes. “I think you should leave James, it’s for the best for both of us. You can have any girl you want, you’re James Wilde, for fuck sake. You don’t want a fucked up nobody like me.” He was stunned by my words I am sure, but I can’t see his face to be sure.
    “I don’t get what’s just happened, what’s changed? Did I say or do something wrong?  … Tell me Tally please?” He is begging me , but I can’t bear to tell him what he has done wrong. How can I tell him that a few words have put me back in shut down mode? I know that it will hurt him and I don’t want that. It’s easier for him to just leave; he can find a girl that’s not fucked up.
    ” Please James, you don’t want me. Go and find a girl who can give you everything.” Tears stream faster down my cheeks; the lump in my throat is getting harder to fight back. James stands, pulling his boxers and jeans on.
    “Don’t tell me what I wa nt. Why are you pushing me away? I have no idea what I have done, please talk to me.” I can hear the anger in his voice and it scares me. I pull the covers over me. James tries to take a step towards me but I shake my head. Without speaking, he knows not to touch me. I can’t have him touching me after he said that. I can’t get back into that sort of relationship. James looks deflated. He sits at the bottom of my bed but makes to attempt to touch me. “I don’t want to walk away, but by the looks on you right now, you’re never going to let me love you”
    I gasp “How can you say that, we have known each other for like … five minutes?” My crying has subsided slightly.
    “You can’t help who you fall in love with or when Tally it just happens. Don’t you think we deserve a chance?” I wipe the tears from my face and sit up, holding the sheet over my body, and I know I have to tell him what he has done.
    “James, what you said scared me. Dean told me all the time that I was his and he owned me. Hearing you say that was like I was right back there with him .” James moved to sit next to me, looking at me like he is asking for permission.
    He doesn’t reach for me , just sits close. “James, I don’t know if I can do this.” Using his thumb and forefinger, he tilts my head to make me look at him.
    He breathes out and replies, “Maybe we should take some time. I want you Tally and I’m not going to let you go that easily. I have had a taste now and I can’t give that up, I won’t. I will try my best to stay away while you figure out what you want to do next.” His words don’t sit well on my heart because I know that I might not be able to give him what he wants.  As I watch James get dressed, tear swell in my eyes again. I really don’t know what I am going to do. He bends down and kisses the top of my head and whispers, “Let me love you Tally.” I look at him and he smiles even though his smile doesn’t reach his eyes and then he leaves. I drag my body out of bed and get into night clothes. I make my way back to my bed, which at the moment is my solace, reach for my iPhone and put the ear phones on. I lay in my bed thinking about how I just threw away something that could have been so great. I know that it isn’t James’s fault, that it’s mine. I shouldn’t let Dean ruin my life. I thought I could move on, but maybe I can’t do that. He has moved on, but then again, he has nothing to fear. He wasn’t beaten or raped by someone he thought loved him.
    I still see his friends from that night, but they don’t approach me. Evan and Dylan work in a sports store just a few stores away from Scarlett Avenue. Dylan just smiles at me and Evan, he can’t make eye contact with me most days. When he does, I get a sympathetic smile. I feel that he is sorry about what happened but feels compelled to stick