Free ... and Baby Makes Two by Judy Sheehan

PARENTS TO OLD AGE LIKE THIS?
    Sheila was dead to her parents. It had been more than a year, and Betty had stopped shouting and crying. She had moved into the ice age.
    â€œNo wonder your mother was so excited about me looking after my parents,” Peter observed.
    â€œOh, my, yes. You scored big points with her on that. My family is very— My God, I've been talking about me and my family nonstop. Please, please, make me feel better and tell me everything you've done since high school.”
    And that's when Peter stopped the car in front of Jane's building.
    â€œNext time.”
    â€œWell. Thanks for the ride—and the family therapy. Our time is up.”
    â€œIt's been so nice seeing you again, after all these years. I hope I'll see you in the neighborhood—now that you've forgiven me for that head-shaving incident.”
    Jane almost touched him as she said, “You do look better with hair.” But she pulled her hand back.
    He handed her a slick business card. She wrote her number and e-mail address on the back of one of his. She worried about her handwriting and what it might reveal about her. She worried about Peter. There was something off about this guy, and it wasn't just that he was a fix up from Mom, or the second potential date in a week for a girl who didn't date. It was him. He was off. He had to be. How else would this handsome, kind, charming man still be single and preapproved by Betty? He must have some dark secret. Jane would find it eventually. For now, she climbed four flights of stairs to her sanctuary.
    Just inside her door were two large shopping bags. Jane examined the contents. Doritos, Cheez Whiz, mini Snickers bars, cans of soda, and a remote control. TiVo. There was a note in the second bag:
    If you love me, keep these bad things away from me. Love, Ray
    Ray had keys to Jane's apartment in case of an emergency. She never expected him to use them to deposit snack foods.
    â€¦
    You have
two
new messages.
    â€œHey Jane. Did you come out to your family?” It was Ray. “Did Bitty-Betty freak? I trust you got the stuff I left for you. Look. Here's the thing. I'm going to the gym. Every day. You can choose to be a mom, and see, that's it. You made a choice. Well. So can I. I can choose to be—I don't know—healthy. Fit. A gym rat. A hunk. Right? That sounded better before I said it out loud to be recorded for all time on your machine. Anyway. This weekend, I'm going to drop off my fat clothes. This is the new me. There's no going back. Call me tomorrow. I'm seeing a late show tonight.”
    Beep.
    â€œHappy B-day, Janie. Tomorrow's your day” It was Sheila. “And guess what? The Gods of TV Programming are taking good care of you. The classic movie channel is showing one of your favorites, so let's watch it together on the phone. Didn't they show it last year?”
    Beep.
    Yes, they did. They showed Jane's favorite movie on her birthday, three years running.
Bringing Up Baby.

Chapter Four
    â€œNow watch. This is where Cary Grant is gonna rip her dress.”
    â€œSheila. That's later. When they're outside.”
    Rrrrrrip.
    â€œSee?”
    â€œSorry. So, how does Katharine Hepburn not feel that breeze?”
    Jane and Sheila were watching
Bringing Up Baby
together, but apart. They were on the phone in their own homes. They had ridiculous long distance bills. Raoul knew better than to complain about it. Sheila had five-year-old twin stepsons who provided occasional background noise for the movie/chat.
    â€œToo bad he's fictional,” Sheila complained.
    â€œWho?”
    â€œCary Grant.”
    â€œYeah. Too bad.”
    They ate pizza and tried not to talk until the next commercial. When the first ad blasted out, Sheila regressed to thirteen and giggled. “So? Is this Peter guy cute?”
    â€œYes. In a handsome kind of way. I don't trust him.”
    â€œWhy? Because all beauty is evil? Because he wasnice, and we can't