Free Tamsyn Murray-Afterlife 01 My So-Called Afterlife by Tamsyn Murray

cereal?’
    ‘I was angry,’ she repeated. ‘I didn’t say I was rational.’
    ‘Did it help them get why you killed yourself?’
    She flicked too hard. The ball bounced off the rim of the bin and stuck to the lead singer’s nose. ‘No. They couldn’t work me out when I was alive. Why would they understand me any better now I’m dead?’
    The force of her next throw made the bin rattle against the wall. Maybe I should have let the conversation go, but I could feel the strength of her feelings and hearing about some of Ryan’s experiences had made me want to help. ‘Did you write a suicide note?’
    She stopped throwing and looked at me, eyes suddenly filled with tears. ‘I tried. I lost count of how many times I started to write something that would explain why I was tearing their lives apart. I couldn’t do it. Nothing I could say would help them understand the torture I went through every day at school. It even followed me home. Towards the end, I couldn’t even escape online. My parents had no idea what it was like. How could they? Death was the only way out.’
    I swallowed hard. It was difficult to imagine a life so unbearable that dying was a blessed relief. ‘My school had an assembly. Did yours?’
    She sniffed. ‘Oh yeah. And all the bullies said they were sorry. Like I cared how they felt. They were only part of the problem.’
    I began to understand. ‘Do you think your parents will ever get why you did it?’
    The light fitting above our heads began to sway gently as Hep vented her unhappiness. ‘I want them to,’ she whispered. ‘But they’ll never make the leap. It’s easier to ignore me than make things right.’
    We sat in miserable silence.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ I croaked after a few minutes. ‘I had no idea.’
    ‘Don’t worry about it. Sometimes it helps to talk about it.’ She sighed heavily and waved a hand towards the bin. ‘It’s your go. Don’t think I’ve forgotten the score.’
    I took careful aim, concentrating on forcing my emotions into a single, sharp burst. ‘Hey, it was worth a try.’ The shot spun out of control and landed a long way from the target. ‘I’m not going to beat you in a fair fight. What’s a little cheating between mates?’
    Two days later, the weirdest thing happened. OK, so you could argue that my existence was filled with strange happenings. But this was peculiar even by my standards.
    It was late evening. I’d been wandering around Covent Garden with Ryan, trying to pluck up courage to take his hand. My nerve had failed a couple of times, but I was determined to have done it by the time we got back to Carnaby Street. If it went well, I decided tonight was thenight I went in for the kiss.
    Just as I was about to make a grab for his fingers, Ryan raised his arm to point along the street. ‘Isn’t that Jeremy?’
    Great. I couldn’t exactly blame him, but Jeremy wasn’t being a massive help in my relationship with Ryan. If he was heading to my toilets, he’d be seriously cramping my style. ‘So it is. He must have just finished at the theatre.’
    Ryan smiled. ‘Let’s go and say hi.’
    What could I do? The two men in my life were spending half their lives hanging around public toilets for my benefit. It would be rude of me to ignore one in favour of the other. With a silent sigh, I trailed after Ryan. Almost immediately, I came to an abrupt halt. I’d recognise that shade of hair anywhere. The woman who’d walked in front of me was Elvira. The question was, why was she following Jeremy home from work?
    ‘Ryan, slow down,’ I muttered, remembering only too well what had happened the last time I’d shouted around Elvira. ‘Wait!’
    Ryan stopped and turned back to me. ‘What’s up?’
    ‘Shh!’ I had no way of knowing whether Elvira could hear all ghosts or only me. ‘That’s the woman I told you about from the theatre. The one with the cat, remember?’
    He did. ‘I recognise her. She came to the Dearly D once and tried to