Free My Life as the Ugly Stepsister by Juli Alexander

while Mojo chased him barking at the top of his lungs. They were having a blast, but my head was starting to pound. My dog was really causing a commotion.
    I heard the sliding glass door behind me and thought Jonathan had returned. Instead, I found Ben slipping out the door.
    “What are they doing?” he asked in his baby-like voice as he tugged at his Spiderman t-shirt. “They’re driving me crazy.”
    I laughed at his pained expression. “I think they’re playing keep away.”
    Buddy finally noticed Ben and ran over to greet him. Mojo took advantage of his distraction by stealing the ball. Buddy ran after him barking like Mojo had done.
    “Ouch,” Ben said.
    At least this time it was his dog making the noise.
    “Dad was right,” the little boy said. “Two dogs are a lot louder than one.”
    Ouch.

 
     
    Chapter Seven
     
     
    Boys get distracted and confused by breasts. Even old wrinkly ones.
    —Ally’s Brutal Teen Truths
     
    When Diane had come over to fetch me for dinner, Jonathan and his friends had been out shooting hoops. I was glad they made enough noise to drown out some from the backyard.
    She opened the gate a crack and called my name. I petted Mojo and told him I’d be back after dinner. He ran off after Buddy, so I figured he was okay.
    When I got to the driveway, I saw that Diane was flirting with, I mean, talking to the guys. Jonathan was being all polite to her. Dave and Colin were staring at her cleavage, blushing, looking away, and then staring again.
    Eewww! And I’d been worried that they’d think I was a loser. Hello! Big losers. Totally leering at Diane’s old lady boobs. Gross!
    “Hi, Ally. I was just telling Jonathan here how much we appreciate his help with Momo.”
    “Mojo,” I muttered.
    Jonathan glanced at me then back at Diane, and I could see that he was working really hard to keep his eyes trained on her face. The way she was dressed, you almost had to look at her breasts. Even I had found myself ogling them, and I had zero interest. Mine were much nicer. The wrinkly skin above them really turned me off. Puke.
    “See you guys later,” I said and hurried past Diane to the house. Talk about a creepy situation.
     
    Diane made grilled chicken. It looked way too pink to me, so I just cut it up and moved it around to look like I ate it. No way was I getting salmonella for this woman.
    “Caroline,” Diane said, after chewing her piece of chicken for a long time. “My friend Susan has a kitten she’s trying to give away.”
    “You hate cats,” Caroline said.
    “I was just thinking that it’s too bad you don’t have a pet.”
    Caroline put down her fork and said in this firm voice, “But you’re allergic, remember?”
    “Well, yes,” Diane said, sounding strange. “Cats don’t bother me as much as dogs. There’s something different about the dander. But I was thinking maybe one of your friends could take it. The kitten.”
    Huh? Had Diane really just tried to talk Caroline into a cat? I pretended I hadn’t heard the conversation. I was really glad I hadn’t made an effort to eat the chicken.
     
    After dinner, I spent two hours doing my homework and getting ready for school the next day. Mom had put most of my stuff away, so I had to hunt down my hairbrush. I found it in the desk drawer. As if that made any sense.
    I checked my email and replied to MC and Madison. I was beginning to understand why guys were so freaked out about their penis size. At least, Cosmo said they were. I’d gotten so much spam about it that I was starting to feel inadequate. And I didn’t even have a penis. No wonder guys were so messed up. I checked out the new pictures on MC’s Facebook and left Madison a message that I loved her new background. I had to dodge a few more weirdos. The coolest part about the whole site is the free music.
    After shutting down my laptop, I went out to check on Mojo. He wasn’t as happy as he’d been earlier. Buddy wasn’t either. He was whining at the