Free Don't Kiss Girls and Other Silly Stories by Pat Flynn

simple.’
    â€˜Mum!’
    She starts up the car.
    â€˜All right, all right. But just don’t say anything embarrassing.’
    â€˜What do you mean?’ she says. ‘Like tell her about the time you wet your pants in primary school.’
    â€˜Yes!’
    â€˜You want me to tell her that?’
    â€˜No!’
    She gives me a little smile. ‘I’m just joking, love. Trust me.’
    I wish she hadn’t said that.
    Mum and I wait in the foyer. A couple of kids from school are close by, watching movie trailers. I try to hide behind my hand by slowly rubbing my forehead.
    â€˜Blinking hell,’ I hear one boy say. ‘Rossy’s date looks a bit old, don’t ya reckon?’
    The others laugh and I start rubbing my forehead with two hands.
    There’s no sign of Ashleigh, so we wait. Just me and Mum. Talk about a foolproof way to catch loser’s disease.
    Then a girl walks up to us. She’s wearing a mini-skirt and make-up.
    Geez, I think, if my mum wasn’t next to me I’d make a move faster than a breakdancer. She’s hot.
    â€˜Hi, Tone,’ she says.
    I do a double-take. Holy guacamole! It’s Ashleigh. She looks a lot different when she’s not wearing a school uniform.
    Mum clears her throat.
    â€˜Umm, this is Mum. Mum, this is Ashleigh.’
    Ashleigh puts out her hand. ‘Hello, Mrs Ross. Lovely to meet you.’
    Mum shakes her hand and says, ‘Wow, cute and polite. Tell me, Ashleigh, what are you doing with my son?’
    Mum! I yell inside my head.
    Ashleigh laughs and says to me, ‘Your mum’s funny, like you.’
    â€˜Yep. Hilarious,’ I say.
    Mum stands there with a big grin on her face.
    â€˜You might want to hit the road soon,’ I say to her. ‘There’s really bad traffic around this time.’
    She looks at her two-dollar watch. ‘But it’s seven o’clock on a Friday night.’
    â€˜Yep. Lots of movie traffic. It starts around 7.01.’
    â€˜All right, then,’ she says. ‘I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.’
    I cringe. Being called ‘lovebirds’ is so embarrassing. I’d prefer ‘honey bunnies’.
    â€˜Goodbye, Ashleigh.’
    â€˜Bye, Mrs Ross.’
    They shake hands again.
    â€˜Bye, Tony.’ Mum leans in like she’s expecting something. Surely she’s not going to …
    Smack!
    Oh my God! She just kissed me on the cheek!
    I feel like digging a giant hole and jumping in.
    As she walks away I turn to see if anyone besides Ashleigh saw my mum smooch me on my big date. Across the room a boy puckers up and kisses the air, before laughing at me.
    It’s Kane.
    Ashleigh goes to the toilet and I go to the candy bar. Kane’s in the line beside me.
    â€˜Good to see you’ve scored a kiss already , Rossy. From your mum.’
    â€˜Shut up, Kane.’
    â€˜This is your first date, isn’t it? Nervous?’
    â€˜Nah.’
    â€˜You look it.’
    I feel it, too. I try to change the subject. ‘Who are you here with?’
    â€˜Uhh … just hanging out with Lacey, you know? Doing a good deed for the family.’
    â€˜Yeah, right.’
    Although Lacey is only a year younger than us, she’s still Kane’s little sister. The thought of him sitting through a movie with her while I’m on a hot date makes me feel better.
    I order an extra-large popcorn and a frozen Coke for Ashleigh and me to share, but I’m shocked when a pimply teenage boy in a stripy outfit tells me how much it’s going to cost.
    â€˜Is movie food made in a gold factory or something?’ I ask him, emptying out my wallet.
    He doesn’t answer, just counts the cash. ‘Sorry, kid. You’re short.’
    Darn!
    â€˜Hey, Kane,’ I mumble. ‘Lend us some money? I’ll pay you tomorrow.’
    He looks across at me. ‘That’s what you said in Year Six when you scabbed off me for tuckshop.