CHAPTER ONE
“ Can I ask you
something?” It's taken everything in me to be patient enough
for Janice to put her purse down. Weariness is etched across her face
from a long night of work. She doesn't look like she wants to talk,
but she's the only one who I think might understand the way that
Lucian feels.
I should be content
with the fact that he called me this afternoon. We only spoke briefly
over the phone, but it made a big difference in how I feel about our
relationship. He's doing his best to show that he cares, that I'm not
just some fling to him. Still, the fact that he won't leave Flesh is
gnawing on me like an unpredictable wild animal that might tear me
apart at any moment.
I'm doing my best to
accept that he needs Flesh, but the woman in me just doesn't want to
allow it. Even though I do want him, I never wanted this warped
relationship. Knowing that he touches other women, that he sees them
naked, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Besides, my mind keeps
flitting back to our scene. He put his hands on me in a very sexual
way, even when he was giving me the Flesh treatment. Does that mean
he touches them the same way? If he does, it's just as good as
cheating.
“ I'm tired,
Amy.” Janice wrinkles her forehead.
“ I'll try not
to take up too much of your time.” I give her a pleading look.
If I don't discuss this with her, I probably won't sleep all night.
“ Are you sure
it can't wait until tomorrow?” She sits down on the sofa beside
me and starts taking off her pink and white sneakers.
“ Things are
getting better with Lucian,” I begin, ignoring her obvious
exhaustion.
“ That's good,”
she replies absentmindedly. “But?”
“ But he
refuses to stop working at Flesh.”
Janice sighs, her
shoulders slumping. I can see the tension mounting in her jaw
muscles. She takes a deep breath, sucking back potentially hurtful
words. “I wish you would just get over him.”
“ Part of me
understands why he doesn't want to stop. We did a scene together,
and...” I search for words to explain things. “I can't
give him what he needs.”
“ Of course you
can't. You're not a submissive.” She pulls her socks off in
jerking motions.
“ That's not
what I meant.”
“ What do you
mean then?” She relaxes back against the sofa, closing her eyes
and wiggling her toes.
“ I don't think
it so much bothers me that he wants to keep working at Flesh as it
does that I don't trust him. I mean, it gives him the perfect
opportunity to cheat on me. I don't know what the other women who go
in there look like. What if he can't stop himself and does something
with one of them?” The very thought makes me chest throb with
pain.
“ It bothers
you that he still wants to work there.” She casts a sarcastic
sideways glance at me. “Don't even try to lie about it. I know
you too well.”
“ It does
bother me.” I sulk. “I know I can't stop it though. I
mean...”
Janice turns to me.
“I want to be supportive of your relationship with him, I
really do. But I think we all know this isn't going to have a happy
ending.”
“ It could.”
It sounds more like a question than a statement.
“ It won't.”
She shakes her head. “But I know you're already committed to
him. I just wonder how long it will take before he completely breaks
you.”
“ Well, that's
not very supportive.” I frown.
“ No, it's
being a realist.”
“ We've made
progress. He's stopped avoiding my calls.” I can feel my teeth
clenching as anger starts to well up inside of me. Maybe talking to
her about this was a bad idea after all.
“ How much
effort does it take to pick up a phone?” She rolls her eyes.
“ Look.”
I gesture out in front of me as if I'm trying to dispel the negative
feelings that the conversation is causing. “I just need to know
that he's not sleeping with other women, and I need your help for
that.”
“ How am I
supposed to help with that?” She cocks an eyebrow at me.
“ Ask your Dom
what
Grace Slick, Andrea Cagan