Free vicarious.ly by Emilio Cecconi

that I was going to make a move? I decided to play the conversation safe and just talk about how I’ve been proactively trying to be happier on a day to day level.
    “That’s great. You know you do seem so full of energy and excitement today,” she said.
    The waiter came back for our orders. I ordered some frutti di mare with fra diavolo sauce. Michelle got the butternut squash ravioli. I just keep looking in her eyes while speaking to her, sipping my wine, eating bread, and talking about how we need to see each other more often.
    I was exactly where I wanted to be right then and there right in front of her. People I know have this preconceived notion that it is amazing that I get to travel to many different locations in a given week. They also tell me that they are jealous of all the traveling I do. In actuality, I would give all the traveling up if I could just feel like I was exactly where I wanted to be instead of just feeling like I should be somewhere else. That’s getting ahead of the situation I was in. I needed to snap back to the music, the restaurant, and Michelle right in front of me. How could I have been so blindsided by the memories of a girl I dated years ago that I did not realize just what an amazing person I had been spending time with for the last few years. My life could have been entirely different with Michelle, but you know it’s better late than never.
    I saw Michelle pull back her sweater and she was wearing the bracelet I gave her on her 21st birthday. Immediately thought about all the hints she gave me throughout the years.
    The food was brought out promptly and as I was eating Michelle finally said, “I have some big news.”
    “What is it?” I said.
    “So I’ve been really serious with this new guy. I want you to meet him tomorrow. He couldn’t make it to dinner because he’s speaking at a conference tonight at BU just a few blocks from here.”
    My stomach sank. Suddenly I wasn’t hungry at all. I had to force myself to chew and swallow each bit of food on my plate. I also had to force myself to pretend I was interested in Michelle telling me all about this guy I wish didn’t exist or ever meet her.
    Oh give me all the details. Where’d you meet? What’s this guy like and what does he do?” I said.
    Michelle told me that she met this guy online. He was just finishing up his Ph.D. in Anthropology at BU. His research was on tracking the evolution of clan based behavior in pre-societal and current social structures. Michelle kept going on and on about how me and him would get along so well. She told me that I had to meet them tomorrow over drinks. I remember every detail that she told me about him. He took up the remainder of our conversation. After the waiter brought us the check, I realized that I didn’t know what dating website they met on.
    That would be the total stinger, for me to have written the algorithm that paired them up.
    “Just wondering, what online dating site did you two meet on?” I said.
    “ YinYang, it’s actually really good Jake, she said.
    At least I technically had nothing to do with them two meeting.
    “I’ve heard good things about that website,” I said.
    Even though I was present for the rest of dinner, I wasn’t actually there. I was absolutely dumbfounded by the events of the day. I don’t remember anything I said or anything Michelle said, which all related to the new guy she was dating. I do remember everything that she told me about him almost to the point like I felt I knew the guy. The worst part about it is that I really liked everything she told me about him, except for the fact that he was dating Michelle. I stayed calm and just put on a mask. I couldn’t do anything but be the supportive friend just like I had been for the past almost decade of my life. If I acted in any way other than that, it would be entirely inconsistent with the person I had established myself to be in the friendship between me and Michelle.
    Whenever I’m