Free High society by Ben Elton Page A

the open bag of cocaine. ‘Well yeah, for sure. Yeah, big up to that. I mean, like, we’ve got to get the kids off drugs, that’s like really really important. I mean, just say no, that’s my message.
    Behind him Corkie finished adjusting her top and gathered up her little bag, a bag just big enough to hold a set of keys, a packet of Marlboro Lights, a wrap of cocaine and two Es. Tommy did his best to play the host, but of course he could not rise from his defensive position on the table. ‘This is…I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name, love.’
    ‘Corkie.’
    ‘Corkie, right, yeah, well, um. See you, then, Corkie.’
    ‘See you, Tommy, it’s been mental.’
    ‘Yeah right…You’ve got a bit of star fruit in your hair.’
    ‘And half a kiwi in my knickers. Good luck tonight. I’ll be cheering.’
    ‘Thanks. See ya…’
    Corkie left. Tommy turned once more to his unexpected guests.
    ‘Lovely girl. Known her all me life. So um…What were we talking about again?’
    ‘Young people and drugs.’
    ‘Yeah, right, we’ve really really got to get them off all that stuff. I really really believe that big time. That stuff is evil and it does your ‘ead in.’
    Peter Paget smiled indulgently. Had this guy really managed to remain unaware of the media frenzy that his Private Member’s Bill had been causing? ‘Tommy, mate, I’m not talking about trying to get the kids off drugs.’
    ‘You’re not?’
    ‘No way. I mean that’s just not ever going to happen, is it?’
    ‘Um, in’t it? I thought that was the whole point of…I mean, in’t that what we’re all trying to…Look, what are we talking about?’
    For the first time the policeman spoke up. ‘Mr Hanson, we believe it is time to accept the fact that young people take drugs and recognize that the most serious consequence of this is their involvement with criminals. We all know what the real side effects of drug use are.’
    Tommy was swaying now, his hands gripping the side of the table on which he sat, his face a picture of hopeless, helpless concentration. ‘Yeah, right, ‘course we do…The munchies, right?’
    ‘I mean the social consequences.’
    ‘Well, that’s what I’m saying, in’t I? You try finding something to eat at five in the morning in this fookin’ country. Sometimes you have to drive miles and then all there is is kebabs or fookin’ petrol stations. In the States you can buy a car twenty-four hours a day. A fookin’ house if you want.’
    ‘I’m talking about associating with criminals, Mr Hanson. Even for weekend recreational users every night out means maintaining a direct financial relationship with dealers and pushers of deeply dubious character. These people are often violent, they charge extortionate prices for on the whole highly suspect products. Surely any sane person would agree that it is this aspect of drug use from which young people must be protected.’
    ‘Well, you’ve got that right. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve…I mean people I know have been ripped off.’
    ‘That’s the least of it. The unlucky minority who become full-time users are forced into lives of crime themselves in order to maintain their criminal habit.’
    Peter Paget was fidgeting, clearly anxious to re-enter the conversation. ‘Some become crack whores.’
    ‘Crack whore’ was a term he had only recently come across. Samantha had heard it in an American film and Peter had found that it packed a terrific punch. ‘Well, yeah, absolutely. Right. Look…Sorry an’ all that, but where you going with all this? I mean, am I being thick or what?’
    ‘What we are advocating, Mr Hanson,’ continued the policeman, ‘is the legalization of drugs.’
    ‘Fook me, I thought you were a copper.’
    ‘I am. A copper who would like to wipe out the vast majority of the crime in this country by the changing of a single law.’
    ‘That’s brilliant. Fair play to you.’
    ‘But most people prefer to ignore the problem, pretend it