Free M/M- Ripped (Boys Of Summer) by Mia Downing

say hi, let’s get pizza later?
     
    Because he was scared shitless.
     
    He’d seen the love in Gavin’s eyes, and it terrified him. It had been so much easier when it was one-sided. Erik had assumed the kinky sex between them had been only sex, something Gavin needed as an escape. But now that he knew Gavin felt the same way…
     
    Erik shuddered. After seeing his boring life flash before his eyes, he’d need more than friendship and pizza. He would curl up and die if he couldn’t finally—finally—love Gavin.
     
    After listening to his sad fantasy in the shower, Erik got him. As badly as Gavin craved love, it terrified him, too. In Gavin’s world, loving someone meant he got hurt, physically and mentally. And asking Gavin to give more than what he could manage would be his breaking point.
     
    Gavin would be better off if Erik went on with his plan to move to California at the end of summer. The pain from that would be easier to bear than the pain he’d feel when Erik pushed Gavin too hard, too close. That’s why Gavin had sent him away after their first kiss.
     
    Another lifeguard walked over to Gavin. They started chatting, laughing, and her dark blonde head tossed back in a little too much glee. Gavin smiled in return and went into full-blown jock mode, the lie so easy for him to slide into.
     
    Erik sighed and shifted away, unable to watch when all he wanted was to talk to Gavin. To say thanks again. And goodbye. He slid off the picnic table. He’d try again tomorrow.
     
    “Hey.”
     
    Erik turned, his heart in his throat. “Gavin.”
     
    Gavin had just tugged on a white T-shirt, his skin even more bronze against the starkness. He slid his sunglasses to the top of his head. “Why didn’t you come over?”
     
    Erik shrugged.
     
    Gavin nodded, looked a little confused, but not the least bit shell-shocked, thank God. “I’m off now. I wanted to spend the evening with you. I was going to shower quick and stop by.”
     
    The surge of emotion through his body reminded him of the strength of the rip current. Happiness, sadness, desire all swirled like deadly water inside him. “You could have texted me.”
     
    “I wanted it to be a surprise, me springing you for the evening. Get ice cream, maybe. As awesome as your mom is, she must be getting on your nerves by now.”
     
    “Yeah.”
     
    Gavin frowned. “You want to come to the apartment? We can talk.”
     
    “No.” Erik did have a lot to say and no idea how to say it all, but the apartment had beds. He wanted Gavin in a bed, badly.
     
    “Okay.” Gavin shoved his hands in his pockets and cocked his head. “You want to eat? You look pretty beat still.”
     
    “No, I’m good.” He was beat because he’d done nothing but think for two days. Almost dying meant he felt differently than before. He’d changed and the rules were different. He was living half a life, waiting for something that would never be. Gavin would never believe he was strong enough to love, to deserve love. Demanding that of Gavin would kill Erik, faster than the rip current.
     
    Erik sat back down on the picnic table, scared as hell.
     
    “You okay, man? You’re freaking me out.” Gavin sat next to him on the picnic table, his thigh pressing against Erik’s. An electrical current snapped through his skin, zapping along his leg, connecting with his gut where it all swirled and built into something hotter.
     
    “I can’t do this.” The words sounded foreign to his ears, even though he’d said them a million times to the mirror earlier. Erik yanked his leg from Gavin’s.
     
    “Do what?”
     
    “I can’t live half a life. That’s what I’m living. Half a life.”
     
    “You depressed or something? That’s what I feel when I’m depressed.”
     
    “No. Yes.” Erik swallowed. He’d never been depressed before. “Maybe.”
     
    “Jesus,” Gavin muttered. “Why are you living half a life?”
     
    “Because I’m not being honest with myself