Free M/M- Ripped (Boys Of Summer) by Mia Downing Page B

his head in that reasoning way of his that meant he was right and that Gavin had to listen and come to the same conclusion. “Would you let me love you if you weren’t practically bleeding from your soul? I know you love me, Gav. I saw it in your eyes when you saved me, and every time you open your mouth to defend me, I hear it. But staying means I’ll want to love you back. Are you going to let me love you?”
     
    “Jesus.” Gavin sat on the picnic table and ran his hands through his hair, his elbows resting on his knees, his feet on the seat. He wanted to believe, but those fucking, poisonous words his parents screamed at him year after year ruled his head. “I’m not worth your love.”
     
    “No, you’re not.”
     
    Gavin’s head shot up. “What?”
     
    Erik looked pissed as hell, like the time Gavin ran over his laptop with his truck by accident. “Grow a set of balls. You need to stand up for yourself for a change. Stop throwing yourself in the dumpster, in the locker. That bully is not worth my love.”
     
    “I’m a bully.”
     
    “To yourself, yes.” Erik nodded, but he took Gavin’s hand in his and squeezed it. “You had a shitty life. I get it. Your sister died, I get that. And you rose above all that and became this wonderful, beautiful, clean, and sober guy. You paint magnificent things. Your soul is in every one of those paintings, laid out for the world to see.
     
    “You said the other day that the negative words caused more damage than a beating, and you’re letting those words define you. You let them come into your world and toss the good you in the dumpster.”
     
    “I don’t.” But he did, and he could feel a part of himself curling up, into a ball, wanting to escape being ripped to shreds inside. The need for a beer, a toke, anything to get him high and away hit him freight train hard, square in the chest.
     
    “What did they tell you, Gav? What words hurt you?”
     
    “No!” He squeezed his eyes shut. Small and weak, and no one would protect him. No one ever protected him until Erik came into his life.
     
    “You’re going to let the words win?” Erik taunted.
     
    “What if they’re true?” His worst fear, right there. So stupid, because the rational part of him knew they weren’t. But sometimes, it was much easier to believe the filth others said.
     
    “Then I’ll tell you they’re true, and we’ll find a way to survive it.”
     
    Long moments passed in silence except for the crickets chirping in the grass. Fireflies danced along the edge of the wooded barrier between the pavilion and the beach. He loved Erik. If he could share that horrible, sick fantasy, he could share the words, right? Gavin swallowed the bile and searched for one of the less powerful words and tossed it up in a weak serve. “I’m weak.”
     
    “Okay. Not true. Not physically, not mentally.” Erik’s hand slid to his shoulder, kneading the tight muscles there.
     
    “I’m a disgrace.”
     
    “Not true. I’m so proud of you, Gav.”
     
    He closed his eyes, because this next one stung. He’d heard this one since the beginning of time. “I’m stupid.”
     
    “Absolutely not true. You have dyslexia. You got all A’s and B’s in college-level courses in high school. You were on the honor roll in college despite being high all the time.”
     
    He nodded. Breathed deep. Went deeper. “No one will ever love me. I don’t deserve it. I’m not good enough.”
     
    Erik grabbed his chin and forced him to look him in the eye. “I love you.”
     
    Gavin trembled, hating how weak he felt as he met Erik’s loving gaze head on. Big, big serve, up and over the net. “I don’t deserve to live.”
     
    “Oh, Gav.” Erik enveloped him in his arms, tugging him close and hard. Fierce. “No one deserves to live more than you. If you hadn’t lived, I would have died two days ago.”
     
    Gavin inhaled deep, catching the gentle spice of Erik’s aftershave, the same brand Erik’s