Free Second Best Fantasy by Angela Kelly

my brothers on the phone once in a while, the one in Denver has a family and I have 49
     
    two nephews, but we don’t really know each other, he moved there with his wife for his job a long time ago. I’m closer to my brother out west, he’s a bit of a man-whore and still likes to party.
    He went out there to go to school, then decided that wasn’t really for him but he loved Cali so much that he stayed.”
    I waited for her to continue. “My mom and dad are…good, they’re good. I go up and visit occasionally. They don’t understand what I do, at all, but they know I’m happy doing it, and that makes them happy. I don’t think they will be happy about me being with a woman, but they’ll get over it. I’ve done much worse.” She smiled.
    I could only imagine what the “much worse” was.
    “I didn’t mean it like that,” she said, reading my mind again like she knew I was a little offended.
    “They’re just old-fashioned.”
    She got up from the table and crossed the floor to where I stood at the sink. Gently touching my face, she kissed me slowly, searching. She looked behind me at the clock on the wall. It was 8:00.
    “Wanna go to bed early?”

    * * * *
    It was difficult for me to leave her in the morning, but I am very much a workaholic. I kissed her goodbye and asked her to lock up on her way out. I was distracted all day and felt like a teenager, smiling and giggling to myself. The night before, our lovemaking was heated and intense, lasting long into the night. It was not quite how it had been during the first quickie on the couch, and it was also not like it had been on the beach. I liked that it always seemed different. Since it seemed we had each un-vocally decided to keep seeing each other, there seemed a higher level of intimacy. When we first went to bed my hands were shaking when I touched her. I couldn’t remember the last time that happened, if ever. I also liked that she was like me, equally comfortable in the role of dominant or submissive, gentle or rough, demanding or acquiescent. It was as if we had known 50
     
    each other’s bodies for years, I’d never had that kind of chemistry with anyone before. It was strange; sex seemed almost spiritual, euphoric in a way I couldn’t quite describe. The sex, the relationship, it was all new but it seemed to be going so well, I was actually shocked. It was…bliss.
    My bliss abruptly ended that evening. I got home, set out all the bread, sauce, and toppings, waiting for her to appear as she had the day before. When she hadn’t shown at my apartment by 9 PM, I ran out of patience and called her. No answer. I got angry, unpredictable was one thing; it was cute, even alluring. But unreliable was not. I called Cindy, who only said to me, “Well, you’re powerless over her, aren’t you? Getting mad about it won’t change that.”
    I did some quiet meditation and had a nice glass of scotch. Although tempted to have many more glasses, I took some Melatonin and went to bed. At 3:00 AM my phone rang.
    With a sinking feeling I answered.
    “Hello?”
    “ Anything worth having is worth suffering for, isn’t it ?” I recognized her voice first and the line from Days of Wine and Roses second. Jesus. She’s waking me up at 3 AM loaded and still she quotes movies.
    “Janine. It’s 3 AM. What happened to you?” I had gone to bed angry, but the moment I heard her voice it all went away. I didn’t like that, not one bit, it gave her a lot of control without my permission.
    “Baby doll, I’m soooo sorry! Some friends showed up, and I went out for a while, and one thing led to another, and, well, I guess I’m still out. I’m pretty drunk.”
    Duh. “And it didn’t occur to you to call until now?” I hated how that sounded, chiding and shaming.
    “The night got away from me. I’m really drunk. And really high.”
    “You said that already.”
    “Can I take a cab and come to you? I need you.”
    And there it was. It didn’t matter what