Free Truckers by Terry Pratchett Page B

Abbot, “and then the both of you come back here. But leave that black box, please. I wish to learn more about it. Put it on the floor.”
    Masklin did so. The Abbot poked it with his stick.
    â€œBlack box,” he said, “what are you, and what is your purpose?”
    â€œ I am the Flight Recorder and Navigation Computer of the starship Swan. I have many functions. My current major function is to guide and advise those nomes shipwrecked when their scout ship crashed here fifteen thousand years ago. ”
    â€œIt talks like this all the time,” said Masklin apologetically.
    â€œWho are these nomes of which you speak?” said the Abbot.
    â€œAll nomes.”
    â€œIs that your only purpose?”
    â€œI have also been given the task of keeping nomes safe and taking them Home.”
    â€œVery commendable,” said the Abbot. He looked up at the other two.
    â€œRun along, then,” he commanded. “Show him a little of the world, Gurder. And then I shall have a task for both of you.”
    Educate him a little, the Abbot had said.
    That meant starting with The Book of Nome , which consisted of pieces of paper sewn together with marks on them.
    â€œHumans use it for cigarettes,” said Gurder, and read the first dozen verses. They listened in silence, and then Granny Morkie said, “So this Arnold Bros—”
    â€œâ€”(est. 1905)—” said Gurder primly.
    â€œWhatever,” said Granny. “He built the Store just for nomes?”
    â€œEr. Ye-ess,” said Gurder, uncertainly.
    â€œWhat was here before, then?” said Granny.
    â€œThe Site.” Gurder looked uncomfortable. “You see, the Abbot says there is nothing outside the Store. Um.”
    â€œBut we’ve come— ”
    â€œHe says that tales of Outside are just dreams.”
    â€œSo when I said all that about where we lived, he was just laughing at me?” said Masklin.
    â€œIt is often very hard to know what the Abbot really believes,” said Gurder. “I think most of all he believes in Abbots.”
    â€œ You believe us, don’t you?” said Grimma. Gurder nodded, half hesitantly.
    â€œI’ve often wondered where the trucks go, and where the humans come from,” he said. “The Abbot gets very angry when you mention it, though. The other thing is there’s been a new season. That means something. Some of us have been watching humans, and when there’s a new season, something unusual is happening.”
    â€œHow can you have seasons when you don’t know about weather?” said Masklin.
    â€œWeather has got nothing to do with seasons. Look, someone can take the old people down to the Food Hall, and I’ll show you two. It’s all very odd. But”—and now Gurder’s face was a picture of misery—“Arnold Bros (est. 1905) wouldn’t destroy the Store, would he?”

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    III. And Arnold Bros (est. 1905) said, Let there be Signs, so that All within shall know the Proper Running of the Store .
    IV. On the Moving Stairs, let the Sign Be: Dogs and Strollers Must be Carried;
    V. And Arnold Bros (est. 1905) waxed wroth, for many carried neither dog nor stroller;
    VI. On the Lifts, let the Sign Be: This Elevator to Carry Ten Persons;
    VII. And Arnold Bros (est. 1905) waxed wroth, for oftimes the Lifts carried only two or three;
    VIII. And Arnold Bros (est. 1905) said, Truly Humans are Stupid, who do not understand plain language .
    From The Book of Nome, Regulations v. III–VIII
    I T WAS A long walk through the busy underfloor world.
    They found that Stationeri could go where they liked. The other departments didn’t fear them, because the Stationeri weren’t a true department. There were no women and children, for one thing.
    â€œSo people have to join ?” said Masklin.
    â€œWe are selected,” Gurder corrected. “Several intelligent boys from each department every year. But when