Free Let Me Hold You by Melanie Schuster

into the studio and paint until the sun came up and it was time to get ready to go to work. Yes, she was going through the motions of living, but she’d had plenty of practice doing that. Her painting had become her lifeline because it was the only way she could stop thinking about the night that Roland had left her flat.
    During the day, the horrible scene was always right there, right under the surface of whatever she was doing. When she was at Custom Classics she was pleasant and professional as always and no one could sense that anything was amiss, that is except for Tolerance.
    Tollie was even more intuitive than Adrienne and she could sense a big change in her friend. Alana knew that Tollie was trying to find out what was on her mind and she also knew it would only be a matter of time before she pried it out of her. Sometimes she was convinced that Tollie was a witch.
    Sure enough, Tollie came into her office with a determined look on her face. “I’m taking you to lunch and we’re going to talk because there’s something on your mind and it’s making you crazy. C’mon, let’s go.”
    As if she had no power over her own feet, Alana got her coat and purse and within minutes they were seated in a back booth at their favorite little sandwich shop. Tollie had already called in their orders which appeared with big glasses of sweet tea. Once their waiter left the table, Tollie leaned over and said, “Talk.”
    When Alana hesitated, Tollie reached over and took her hand. “Alana, you look like you haven’t slept in three days. You haven’t been eating right, either, I can tell. A chubby chick always knows when her skinny friend has lost weight she can’t spare and your clothes are starting to hang on you. Your hair has lost its sheen and you have Lipton-sized bags under your eyes. I haven’t seen you look like this since Sam passed away.”
    It was a sign of how far gone Alana was; the fact that her expression didn’t change when Tollie used Sam’s name. It was like an unspoken agreement among her friends and relatives not to talk about Sam because it always seemed to make Alana feel bad. Tollie pushed her advantage by squeezing Alana’s hand.
    “Alana, I can’t let you slip back into the abyss. You can’t let whatever is bothering you make you lose yourself again. Talk to me, girl. And do it now, people are looking at us like you’re breaking up with me or something.”
    Alana actually managed a laugh at that remark and she took her hand back. She took a sip of her tea and a small bite of her Cobb salad, and then she began talking. She told Tollie about the party and how Roland brought her home and urged her to unburden herself. She held back none of the details, right up until the point where she’d asked him to stay and he’d left abruptly.
    Tollie looked puzzled. “So you two were kissing and getting hot and bothered and then he just turned and ran after you asked him to stay?”
    “Pretty much,” Alana said grumpily.
    “I need to know precisely what happened,” Tollie pressed. “What exactly went on from the time you said ‘stay with me’ until the moment he put his hand on the doorknob to leave?”
    Alana stabbed a piece of avocado with her fork and put it in her mouth before answering. “We kissed some more and he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. He put me on the bed and he was about to pull off his sweater and all of a sudden he stopped. He sat down on the bed and told me it was too soon for us and that I needed to be sure that this is what I wanted. And then he left.” She shrugged to indicate it was of no importance but Tollie knew better.
    “Alana, is that giant portrait you painted of Sam still hanging over your bed?”
    “Yes, of course it is.”
    “And all those photos and drawings of him still all over the walls?”
    “Yes, they are. Ever since I moved into the house, they’ve been there.”
    “Sweetie, no matter how much a man cares for you, no matter how much