Free Romance by David Mamet

SCENE ONE
    A courtroom.
    The
JUDGE
is on the bench. The
DEFENDANT
is being interrogated by a
PROSECUTOR.
The
DEFENSE ATTORNEY
sits at the defense bench. A
BAILIFF
stands at the side.
    PROSECUTOR: Who is this …?
    (All turn to sound of siren
—
as of motorcade passing in the streets))
    PROSECUTOR: Who is the person in the hotel room?
    DEFENDANT: I have no idea.
    PROSECUTOR: Y OU were there. You were seen there.
    DEFENDANT: By whom?
    PROSECUTOR: Just answer the question please.
    DEFENDANT: Then, please may I be addressed with one?
(Pause)
Would you please address me with a question?
(Pause)
“You were seen there” is not a question.
    PROSECUTOR: Just answer the question as you've been directed.
    DEFENDANT: Well, you ask the questions, and I will attempt to answer them.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Your Honor, my client is endeavoring …
    PROSECUTOR: Excuse me?
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: …to respond to the questions.
    PROSECUTOR: Oh,
please …
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: “Oh, please?” Your Honor? I must object. This scurrilous, this sad …
    PROSECUTOR: May we be spared the …
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: This sense of “weariness,” this false, adopted, what is it? A “charade” ? A “vaudeville” …?
    PROSECUTOR: Your Honor, I object, I most strenuously object.
    JUDGE: One moment. May we not have Peace?
(Pause)
Is that such a strange word? You will forgive me if I pontificate a moment. Will you? If I speak of Peace. Is that not the theme of the week?
    PROSECUTOR: It is the theme of the weak. The theme of the strong, Your Honor, if I may, is truth.
    JUDGE: Yes. Thank you. The theme of
this
week. This week's theme. Is it not peace? If not, why are they gathered here? Why are they all come here, if not for peace?
    PROSECUTOR: It is a signal Honor, may it please the court. To welcome them.
    (Sound of sirens. All listen.)
    JUDGE: And there they go. And there they go. The great men. On their way to the Peace Conference …
    (General murmur)
    JUDGE: Mark your calendars, people. It's a Red Letter Day. Indeed it is.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Indeed it is.
    JUDGE: It Honors our fair city, and it Honors us. To see those who have come so far.
(He sneezes.)
    BAILIFF: Gesundheit.
    JUDGE: Thank you. And. On our way to work today. The faces. Lining the streets. Perhaps you saw them? This man or that woman. Enemies, perhaps, certainly no more than strangers. Reaching out. Because of our Visitors. Yes. Yes. We have strife. But, but, their presence here …
(Almost sneezes, but holds it)
I'm sorry, did I take my pill?
    BAILIFF: Y OU did, Your Honor.
    JUDGE: Thank you. Instructs us, that perhaps, the aim of strife is not Victory. No, but simple peace.
    ALL: Mmmm.
    JUDGE:
(Pause)
I'm sorry to've taken your time. Continue.
    (Pause)
    PROSECUTOR: Thank you, Your Honor … did you contact … ?
    DEFENDANT: N O.
    PROSECUTOR: I must ask you to … refrain from interrupting.
    DEFENDANT: Might I have a glass of water?
    JUDGE: Get him a glass of water.
    DEFENDANT: Thank you, Your Honor.
    (The
BAILIFF
brings the
DEFENDANT
a glass of water)
    PROSECUTOR: Let me begin again. Did you physically contact a person in Room …
    JUDGE: … and could someone get my pill, please … ?
    BAILIFF: Your Honor, you've taken your pill.
    JUDGE: I took my pill?
    BAILIFF: Your Honor, yes.
    PROSECUTOR: D O you require me to repeat the definition of “contact” ?
    DEFENDANT: I do not.
    PROSECUTOR: I will ask you once again. Do you require me to repeat the definition?
    JUDGE: I took my pill, then why do I have to sneeze?
    (The
BAILIFF
brings a vial of pills. The
JUDGE
sneezes)
    BAILIFF: Gesundheit, Your Honor.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Gesundheit.
    JUDGE: Thank you.
    PROSECUTOR: Your Honor, I do not wish to descend to the “picayune,” but as my colleague has wished you Gesundheit, I feel that I must wish you Gesundheit.
    JUDGE: Thank you.
    PROSECUTOR: In fairness to the State.
    JUDGE: Thank you.
    PROSECUTOR: Gesundheit.
    JUDGE: Thank you.
(Pause)
Where were we?
    PROSECUTOR:
(TO
the DEFENDANT) D O