Free Romance by David Mamet Page A

you require me to repeat the definition of…
    JUDGE: Because, I don't know about you people, but I'm moved. Yes. Yes. One becomes callous. But yes, again, we may learn. When we see Two Warring Peoples, Arabs and Jews, an Ancient Enmity. Opposed since Bible times, I'm sorry. I'm moved. Did anyone see the parade?
    DEFENDANT: I did, Your Honor.
    PROSECUTOR: I did, Your Honor, too.
    JUDGE: I was moved, I'm sorry.
(Sneezes)
    ALL:
(Pause)
Gesundheit.
    PROSECUTOR: All right. You are a chiropodist, are you not?
    DEFENDANT: I am not.
    PROSECUTOR: Your Honor, I ask that the defendant be instructed to …
    DEFENDANT: I am a chiropractor.
    PROSECUTOR: I beg your pardon, I intended to say chiropractor. You are a chiropractor, are you not?
    DEFENDANT: I am.
    JUDGE: And I would like to apologize for being late.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Not at all, Your Honor.
    JUDGE: Y OU people are giving
up your
time, I see no reason why I should subject you to any further, uh, uh …
    PROSECUTOR: Not at all, Your Honor.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: That's very gracious of you.
    JUDGE: Curiously, I was late because of the parade. I took my
pill
, but I could not remember if I had taken my pill. As they do tend to make one groggy. So I returned to my house. To, to, to take my “pill;” which rendered me late as, on my
leaving
the house, I encountered the Parade.
(Pause)
I would have been on time if not for the …
(Pause)
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Of course, Your Honor.
    JUDGE: Parade. A policeman.
Stopped
them, for a moment. Just to let me through. He didn't have to do that. He had no idea who I am. Call me a Weepy Old Fool.
    (Pause)
    PROSECUTOR: All right. When, could you tell me, please, did you last leave the country?
    DEFENDANT: Thank you, Your Honor, for the water.
    JUDGE: I need a glass of water, too.
    (BAILIFF
goes for the glass of water.)
    PROSECUTOR: When did you last leave the country?
    JUDGE: Because I have to take my pill.
    DEFENDANT:
This
country?
    JUDGE: I mentioned the parade.
    PROSECUTOR: Indeed, Your Honor did.
(Pause)
    JUDGE: Good.
    PROSECUTOR:
(TO
THE DEFENDANT) I S this your signature?
    DEFENDANT:
(Pause)
I do not know.
    PROSECUTOR: Does it appear to be your signature?
(Pause)
    DEFENDANT: I don't know.
    JUDGE: S O many people. But, I suppose, that's the
nature
of a parade.
    (A slight susurrus of appreciation)
    PROSECUTOR: Surely you know if it's your signature?
    DEFENDANT: I …
    PROSECUTOR: I S it
like
your signature?
    DEFENDANT: Yes.
    PROSECUTOR: In what way?
(Pause)
    DEFENDANT: … it is written … it is written similarly to my signature …
    PROSECUTOR: It
is … (Pause)
    DEFENDANT: I just said so.
    PROSECUTOR: Similarly to your signature. Fine.
    JUDGE: I guess what I am trying to say is this: We get caught up in the “form,” the Law, Religion, Nationality … uh … skin color. And then, and then,
miraculously, miraculously
, now and then, and by the grace of God, we are free. And see, that, underneath, we love each other.
    ALL: Mmm.
    JUDGE: That two world leaders, steeped in
enmity … (Pause)
    PROSECUTOR: Momentous days, Your Honor.
    DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Yes, momentous days, Your Honor.
    JUDGE: I think we can so stipulate.
    (Laughter from the two attorneys.)
    JUDGE: And I'm not even Jewish …
    PROSECUTOR: On the date in question …
    JUDGE: Y OU know, I'd like to take that back. I don't even know why I say “not even.” I believe a more “neutral” expression might have been “And I'm not Jewish.”
(Pause)
Proceed.
    PROSECUTOR: H OW does this signature differ from your signature?
(Pause)
    DEFENDANT: I don't know.
    PROSECUTOR: Y OU said this resembles your signature In Part.
    DEFENDANT: I did …
    PROSECUTOR: Let me
suggest
to you that I would like you to
inform
me in what way this
differs
from your signature.
(Pause)
    DEFENDANT: I don't know.
    PROSECUTOR: Then would you say they are the same?
    JUDGE: One moment.
    PROSECUTOR: Yes, Your Honor.
    JUDGE: The pills, I believe, have made me “drowsy,” and I beg your pardon, but, if you'd