Free Love Birds? by Carolyn McCray, Ben Hopkin

 
Love Birds
    A Pet Whisperer…er…rrr
Short Story
    Wyatt winced as he took the left turn, the hand-over-hand
motion pulling on his most recent injury. His finger still hurt from where
Diablo, the aptly-named devil Chihuahua, had taken a chunk of flesh out of the
protruding digit. Wyatt should really know better by now than to point at the
tiny land-shark while scolding him. Or Wyatt could just stop scolding the
little demon. It didn’t seem to make much difference.
    One would think as a professional pet psychic, he
could coerce the little rat, but no. Of course Wyatt wasn’t the real pet
psychic, that was his uncle but with Bodhi laid up at the hospital, it was up
to Wyatt to do his muddle through.
    As Wyatt rounded the corner, he saw his assistant, Jazmine
stepping out of the beat-up monstrosity she called a car. Jazmine flipped her
red hair up and over her shoulder as she turned to look in his direction. She
gave him a crooked smile, her teeth white against the deep red of her lips. His
hand slipped a little on the wheel. He recovered and flipped her a quick wave
before pulling up to the curb and launching himself out of the car.
    “So what we got?” Wyatt asked, checking in the rearview
mirror to make sure his hair was mussed, just so.
    Jazmine opened a folder. “Looks like a problem with some
Lovebirds that are fighting.”
    “Right,” Wyatt snorted. “Fighting Love birds.”
    Then that expressive eyebrow of Jazmine’s shot up.
    “Seriously?” Wyatt asked. “Love birds fighting… on
Valentine’s Day?”
    He chuckled but that eyebrow just kept going up.
    “Oh, okay. Dually Love birds it is.”
    Jazmine flipped a sheet over. “The birds have been together
for nearly six months and—”
    Wyatt strode up to the house.
    “Wait,” Jazmine protesting rushing to catch up. “I haven’t
even told you half the—”
    Wyatt held up hand. “I don’t like to prejudice my first
reading.”
    His assistant stepped in front of him. “More like you have
no idea what to do with the information.”
    “Tomato. Tomaato,” Wyatt said with a shrug. “Besides we need
to a move on, I’ve got plans.” He checked his watch. Actually they needed to
get through this appointment in under five minutes if he hoped to keep his
first reservation.
    “You?” Jazmine asked. “ You have a Valentine?”
    “Um, three .” Wyatt said as he rubbed his fingernails
against his shirt, then snagged the dog bite on his button. “Ouch.”
    “Three? Isn’t that a little… Big Love , even for you?”
Jazmine punched his arm, deadening it from the shoulder down. Man, that girl
seriously didn’t know her own strength. He worked his shoulder, trying to get
the frog out.
    “Not all at the same time, Sugar Ray,” Wyatt responded. “I’m
spacing out the goodness. I’m meeting one for lunch, one for dinner, and the
last for dessert at her place. And by dessert, I mean a heaping helping of
Wyatt.” He spun around in his best James Brown impersonation. “’Cause I’m all
about the sweetness. Jump back. I wanna kiss myself. Heh!” He waggled his
eyebrows at her.
    “I doubt if anybody is going to be asking for a second
helping with those maneuvers.” Jazmine said shaking her head.
    “Hey, Valentine’s Day is an important national holiday.
I’m just doing what I can to spread the love.” Wyatt pointed to his assistant,
“What about you?”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Whatcha got goin’?” Wyatt asked sure she had some swank
dinner plans then a long slow, boring walk along the beach. You know, chick
stuff. “What are your plans?”
    “Um…” Jazmine wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Well, he’s older.”
    “Oh, so you want to keep your guy a mystery. I feel ya.”
    Jazmine turned away, heading to the house. “It’s about that
time, yeah?”
    “Definitely!” Wyatt began jumping up and down, slapping his arms
around his chest, then did ten jumping jacks in quick succession.
    Jazmine cocked her head. “What are you