Free Love Notes ((Book Two of the Heartbeat Series)) by Renee Lee Fisher

legs to my toes. I steadied myself in the shower and let out a moan.
    Thomas had come back in the bathroom to ask me if I wanted wine with dinner and heard my whimper and asked me if I was okay. I hesitated for a moment realizing where I had just been and what I just finished doing to myself, and shouted to him that I was fine I just had the water too hot.
    It was hot, just thinking about a man on paper. I studied his face so many days and played the music to the face that sang the songs. The newspaper ran the article and it became one of the best boosts to the sales for many local bands, but heightened that Rolling Isaac’s band to a new level. I remember getting a personal thank you card signed by the band and a nice enclosed letter from Maxwell their manager. It was accompanied by a lovely English Garden of flowers that I took home and glanced at almost every day. Looking at the loveliness of the flowers, all I could think about was the gorgeous face of Max Rand. I could not get him out of my head.
    It was daylight now and I opened my eyes a bit and felt less pain until I turned my head. It felt like someone took a hammer and was there pounding. I knew I was in a hospital bed. I was still alive, the sun was shining and I knew there was a Max Rand out there and I knew that I had eventually met him, and fell in love with the real him. I knew that what was once a fantasy had come true.

Chapter Five – Doubt and Forgiveness

    I heard through my closed eyes, “Come back to me, please come back…I Love you Madison…we have just begun our lives together, I need you, I am empty without you.” I cannot open my eyes as I am so weak, my lids will not open and my body is so sore, this is very painful. But as I fall back in the darkness of my dreams those words soothed me so.
    I awake fluttering my lids for the first time in a long time what seemed hours later and I look across the room and see Killjoy there…what the???? Wow she is so pretty; I see her sitting with her long shapely legs in very tiny shorts dangling them over the side of the room chair looking up at the television pictures that are silenced.
    Am I dreaming? I fade out again as quickly as I awoke…not sure how long I was out and when I again part my lids I see Killjoy in the arms of Rand, hugging him tightly in front of the chair I saw her lounging on earlier. I cannot believe that I have awoken to this vision. I try to clear my eyes that are tearing, filled from just the sight of them both here. Have they come to totally ruin me, to take every last breath from me? I ache so badly already and not just the pain from the accident, my heart is twisted from seeing the two of them in all the internet feeds and photos. I close my eyes as they are too caught up in one another to notice I have even woken up. My heart monitor climbs as I know I am having a panic attack inside with them here in my hospital room wrapped in each other’s arms. I shut my eyes tightly to block this out of my view. I hear Rand close to me now. He is telling Killjoy to get a nurse that my monitor is beeping. He slides the pad of his thumb over my arm making circles near my IV. I feel him, I want him, I need him, but I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from reacting. I cannot open my eyes; I will not open my eyes, to see them together again.
    The nurse is quick to respond and I feel her near me as she explains to Rand that she is checking the monitor and then she must have hit a button to silence it as it has stopped the beeping noise and she speaks to me, “Madison, Madison can you hear me?” I do not respond. I keep my eyes sealed tightly just like I have just licked an envelope and pressed it together. I feel Rand’s touch though lightly stoking along my arm. I tense with his every line drawn on my skin, but I don’t want to see him like this with her here, with Killjoy near. I am still so weak and I fight to keep my emotions hidden. Each stroke on my arm sends that warmth through me