Free Unforgivable by Amy Reed

letting you come with me.”
    â€œWait,” I say.
    â€œJesus, Marcus. What?”
    My face burns with my question. I look at my feet, at the wall, at the bed, anywhere besides in my brother’s eyes.
    â€œMarcus, I am this close to leaving without you. Spit it out.”
    â€œHow do you make a girl have sex with you?”
    I expect him to laugh his ass off, but he doesn’t. He’s quiet for a long time. He’s thinking way too hard.
    â€œNever mind,” I say. “Let’s go.”
    â€œNo,” he says. “Sit down for a second.”
    I sit on David’s bed and he sits next to me. I expect a lecture about not saying the first thing I think of, of having a better filter. We’ve had this talk before.
    â€œMarcus, listen to me,” he says. “You know you can’t make agirl have sex with you. It’s not like that.”
    â€œI know,” I said, but I don’t. I have no idea what he’s talking about. I have no idea why he’s so serious.
    â€œYou know that’s not all they’re for, right? Being hot and having sex with?”
    I roll my eyes. The longer we sit here, the more I feel like a little, stupid kid.
    â€œI’m serious,” David says. “I know what it’s like going to all-boys schools your whole life. It fucks with your head. It’s not natural.”
    â€œI’m not an idiot, David.”
    â€œI know,” he says. He’s quiet for a minute. “It’s not just that.”
    â€œWhat?”
    He hands me the bottle and I hold my breath as I take another swig, as I feel the fire burn down my throat. David takes a huge swig and doesn’t even flinch.
    â€œDon’t ever treat a girl the way Dad treats Mom,” he says. “Don’t let them love you and not love them back.”
    I want to think I don’t know what he’s talking about. In that moment, I want to be young for a change. I want to be innocent and dumb and clueless. I want girls to remain soft, pretty, untouchable things. Not future women, not mothers and wives. Not people who can get hurt.
    I am not as excited about the party as I was before. The night is still full of possibility, but now also danger. Also things that cannot be undone.
    â€œNo, Marcus,” David says as he pulls a black sweatshirt over his head. “I told you already. You can’t come.”
    Not even a year has passed, and David has turned into someone different. Not even a year, and I am turning into nothing.
    â€œWhy not?”
    He doesn’t answer. He’s looking in his wallet, frowning. “Hey, do you have a twenty I can borrow?”
    â€œIf you let me come with you.”
    He sighs and shakes his head. He starts opening the drawers of his dresser, searching behind socks and T-shirts for forgotten stashes of money. It’s Friday night and I don’t want to spend it alone. Besides David, there’s no one else I hang out with.
    I pull out my wallet and hand him a twenty-dollar bill. He doesn’t even meet my eyes as he takes it and crams it into his pocket.
    â€œSo can I come with you now?” I say.
    He looks at me in a way that makes me shrivel. He starts walking out his bedroom door.
    â€œWhy not? You have to at least give me a reason.”
    David sighs and faces me, irritated, like I’m a waste of his time. “Things are different now. I’m doing different things.”
    â€œBut I’m different. I can be different.”
    â€œI don’t want you to be different.” What he means is, I’m leaving you behind.
    â€œJust give me a chance, okay? I won’t embarrass you or anything, I promise.”
    â€œDammit, Marcus. I said no. What part of no don’t youfucking understand? You’re not coming with me.”
    I am no one.
    He’s a shadow. That’s what he is. Not David. Not my brother. Just a shadow as he walks out the door.
    I wake to Mom shaking