Free Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino

practice Radical Honesty may see kindness as sugarcoating, but I believe it's a necessary component of compassionate
communication.
Boundaries
    Personal boundaries are what we use to define ourselves as separate
from others, express our needs and wants, and set limits within relationships. When you have healthy boundaries, you recognize that you
are an individual with your own wants, needs, and values. You don't
take on other people's issues as your own or allow others to dictate
your behavior based on what they want. You don't sacrifice your own
desires and needs to please another person. You don't attempt to control someone else or allow yourself to be controlled. Boundaries are
an important element in healthy relationships of all kinds, and open
relationships are no exception.
    Boundaries can be physical, sexual, or emotional/psychological.
For example:

    • Physical boundary: Don't touch me without my permission.
    • Sexual boundary: Don't pinch my nipples during sex.
    • Emotional boundary: Don't project your feelings onto me.
    First you must determine what your boundaries are, and then
you must be able to articulate them to your partner(s). Finally, you must
be aware when someone does not respect your boundaries, and speak
up for yourself. If you set a boundary and someone violates it, don't let
it slide; that only sends the message If you don't respect my boundaries,
that's cool. I won't say anything. It's okay to disrespect my boundaries.
    For some people, emotional/psychological boundaries are the
most complex and difficult to defend. Here's a hypothetical example.
You go out with your friends and come home to your partner giddy
and excited from a fun night. Your partner is angry. "I can't believe you
went out and left me home alone! You're such a bitch! Then you come
home and rub it in my face to make me feel worse!" Without good personal boundaries, you would apologize for going out and having a good
time and for being bubbly when you walked through the door. You
acknowledge that you're a bad girlfriend.
    With good personal boundaries, you would recognize that your
partner is feeling bad. You check yourself: Do I have the right to go out
with my friends? Yes. Did I rub it in his face? No. You refuse to take on
his feelings or to feel guilty about your night out. You recognize that
something is pushing your partner's buttons, and that he's trying to
make you feel bad instead of owning what's really going on. You tell
him, "I can see that you're angry about me going out with friends
tonight instead of being with you. I respect your feelings, but I did not
do anything wrong. I was sharing my excitement with you, not deliberately trying to make you feel bad."
    Learning to define good personal boundaries and respecting the
boundaries of others are skills that may not have been modeled for you,
or your partner, as you grew up. You may have to develop these skills. Ultimately, boundaries are about clarity:
being clear about who you are and what
you need. If the line between you and
your partner starts to blur, it's time to
work on your boundaries.

Trust
    Trust is a significant component in
opening up a relationship to additional
sexual and emotional partners. When a
partner agrees to something you ask for
and honors that agreement, it helps
build your trust in them. Trust takes
time to establish, but it leads to security.
Many people in long-term relationships
say that trust makes it easier to support
and encourage their partners to explore
with other people. Trust becomes an antidote to jealousy, competitiveness, possessiveness, insecurity, and fear. The message is clear: when
people trust their partners and trust in the strength of their relationships, they experience less anxiety in the presence of someone new.
On the flip side, a lack of trust can lead to insecurity, doubt, and
unhappiness.
    Some people have difficulty trusting others because of unresolved
issues