Free Parenting the ADD Child: Can't Do? Won't Do? Practical Strategies for Managing Behaviour Problems in Children with ADD and ADHD by David Pentecost

behaviour.

    CLOSE down
    Starving naughtiness of its attention-grabbing potential means you must
ignore it with conviction. To help you remember, I use the phrase, `CLOSE
down', which is exactly what you must do to carry your message home:
    C is for Cut off conversation. Don't say another word until you are
ready.
    L is for Look away. No eye contact.
    0 is for Offer no reaction. Whenever possible, do not react to
attempts to draw you into arguments or discussions that show your
child that you can be sucked back into the game.
    S is for Switch off smiles. This can be the hardest thing for a loving
parent. But do not give in to his or her attempts to make you laugh
or smile.
    E is for End when you're ready. Don't be dictated to by your child.
Stop ignoring only when you feel satisfied that you are getting your
message across.
    This all sounds very harsh, I know, but in the context of a caring relationship
`closing down' is not only far more effective, it is less damaging to a child
than either smacking (where you have, in effect, lost control) or nagging
(where you undermine his or her self-confidence).

    Pitfalls and new approaches
    Use the space below to jot down any of the pitfalls you are aware of in
the ways you are currently dealing with attention-seeking.

    Then write down at least one of the suggestions above that is new to
you and that may be useful for improving your approach during
the week ahead:

    Remember: the effort that you put into your communication skills will
be repaid in your own growing confidence and in the factthatyou are
clarifying things for your child.

    Frequently asked questions
    Q_`Ignoring a determined child can be very wearing. How do I keep it up time and
time again?'
    A: Try keeping your mind focused on your long-term goals for permanent
change and not on the short-term relief or easy option that giving in or
backing down can bring. Make regular use of your powerful motivators,
developed in Step 1.
    Q. `How can I tell if I'm improving in my communication?'
    A: One way is to observe the difference in your child. If you're having no
impact, you're missing something. Another is to get feedback from
someone else. As odd as it may sound, I recommend to all my clients that
they find someone they trust to observe their efforts in communicating.
This person might be your partner or one of your parents, but more likely it
will be a trusted friend who understands what you are trying to achieve and
will give you a balanced evaluation of your efforts.
    RECAP
    To change attention-seeking:

    FINAL TIP FOR SUCCESS
    • Plan ahead for known crunch points when negative attentionseeking is likely to be at its worst - times like getting ready in the
morning, mealtimes, bath times and bedtimes. These are the
moments when you are likely to be most stretched and least able to
cope with naughtiness. And your child knows this full well. So be
prepared by having ready a range of activities that will hold her
attention for short periods. This way you can divert her away from
attention-seeking mischief by keeping her mind occupied.
    Keep an eye on what is happening, and be ready to switch to some
new activity just before the point when she is getting a bit twitchy and
restless. Draw up a list of activities to fill stressed times with
distraction and stimulation:
    Extra things to do
    1. 10 minutes' video
    2. Cutting up bread for the birds
    3. Stuffing the old newspapers into a rubbish bag
    4.-~s

     

    Amazing! Step 6 - half way and you're still reading. Allow me to
congratulate you.
    Everything we have covered so far has been aimed at boosting a positive
approach to the management of your child's behaviour. Now is the time to
introduce the limits and boundaries that ADD children find so hard to deal
with.
    In Step 6 we will explore the topic of delivering effective commands. I am
confident that you will soon be an expert. You will:
    learn to identify disempowering commands - that