Free Stockholm Syndrome 2- 17 Black and 29 Red by Richard Rider

biography. People who done less in there life than me get book deals all the time. I know how people like to nosy in to other peoples lives. I dont know what it'd be like tho. Ok I hope. I hope I would come across ok. Whingey and spoilt and vain and bitter and slutty and foul mouthed and a really fucking excellent grudge holder and a massive stupid drama queen attention whore yeah, but at least I'm honest. Like this is me. Warts and all. (Except I aint got no warts.) Please dont think I'm a twat. I just want people to like me. Is that clingy?? Like I dont mind no more people dont do a double take in the street cos I never earnt it but I wish I was good enough at something so I could do something ace and then people would know me everywhere in the world cos I did good paintings or I was in a band or something but I aint good enough at NOTHING. I want to be good at something cos I need people to like me. Aint that vom inducing?? I hate myself a bit but thats what its like. Cos I just think being ignored and forgot would be the most horrible thing in the world. I just want to make people happy. I just want people to like me. Is that a fair trade??
    I dont know. Like going back and finishing my degree. I can go somewhere with this I bet, I'm having a wicked time, I like doing it and I like the people on my course and thats the one thing I'm sure on more than anything else I like doing. Aint arrogant if its true right? I know I'm good enough to do it and I aint scared of hard work. I just dont realy want to. Like learning tattoo's off Rob, I love it and I'm getting dead good at it but is this my whole life forever??
I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO.
    The stuff I'm good at is stuff I like and maybe it wont be fun no more if its my job or career or whatever, what if I'm doing it everyday and it like sucks all the joy out?? But we need money. Ok we dont NEED more money I spose cos we're pretty well off but more wont hurt. Put it away in the bank and keep it safe for the kids cos me and Olly turned out ok in the end but the end aint the bit what matters if you get dragged through hell on the way right?? Honest to god I would rather DIE than have them put up with what we put up with, I mean we never got properly hurt or nothing, theres loads of kids who had it worse, like we only got battered when we deserved it and stuff, but just growing up where we did and seeing dead raped murdered people dumped in the stairwell and never having new clothes or going nice places on holiday or whatever and going that shitty arse school where if your lucky like Olly you dont get picked on cos your brothers well hard but if your me you get your head flushed. I spose you could be all snow white and nice and give your money to starving africans if you got a ton of it like I have but I dont want to. Dont care if that makes me a selfish bastard, thats ok. Them kids are getting a good house and nice things and proper education and money saved up for when there older and there never going to want for nothing cos I wont let it be like that. I feel weird living here. Not being with Olly but everything that goes with. Kind of being peoples other dad now. Not really that. Kind of. ARGH. My brain goes all weird thinking about it. They dont CALL me dad or nothing cos I'm still just Pip but I'm shagging there dad and living with them and we got joint bills and stuff and I take them places to there sports and clubs and everything and help with homework and make dinners and do baths and tell them off when they act up and they have to listen to me cos I'm the 2nd boss. I'm basicaly there stepdad. Its weird WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD I cant get used to it cos its WEIRD. But then it aint realy weird at all. Its brilliant. I shouldnt be peoples DAD, how stupid is that!?!! But its working. I love them so much. And Olly.
    He's been awful good to me since I come back to London. To me and FOR me. All this shit kicked off and I never been this miserable in my whole life but Ollys put up