Free House On Windridge by Tracie Peterson

him a chance to reply. Oh, but the man could be infuriating.
    Ryan began to cry, only furthering her frustration. One way or another, she would put an end to Devon’s interference before he’d totally turned her son away from her. She would not have another situation on her hands where someone suggested her son was better off without her.

Chapter 4
    J essica spent the next two weeks feeling deeply convicted about her attitude and behavior toward Devon. Not only had he refused to share supper the night of their disagreement, but he had refused to share all subsequent meals from that night forward. Jessica knew the fault lay with her. She knew too that in order to deal with the matter and put things aright, she would have to be the one to do the apologizing.
    She realized that Devon had meant only to be helpful, but her own insecurities regarding Ryan had caused her to act unforgivably bad. Sitting with her Bible in hand, Jessica felt hot tears trickle down her cheeks.
    â€œI just don’t want to lose Ryan’s love, Lord,” she whispered in the silence of her room. In the nursery Ryan already slept contentedly, but there would be no sleep for Jessica until she dealt with the matter at hand. Already she’d spent some fourteen restless nights, and her misery was rapidly catching up with her.
    â€œI came here with such great expectations, Father,” she began to pray again. “I thought there would be financial security and a place to belong. I have thought of the house on Windridge as my own special utopia since I was a small child. You know how I felt about it. You know I loved this place and always desired to be here. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I want to be perfect. The perfect mother. The perfect mistress of Windridge. But I fail and continue to fail no matter how hard I try.”
    She opened the Bible and found herself in the book of Colossians. “ ‘Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering,’ ” she read aloud. Glancing past the desk where her Bible lay, Jessica peered out into the darkness of the night. Only the shadowy glow of lamplight from the cottage where Devon stayed could be seen on this moonless night.
    â€œI certainly haven’t been merciful or kind where he is concerned. Neither have I been meek or long-suffering, and I come nowhere near to being humble of mind. But, Father, I’m so afraid. I’m afraid of failing once again. I failed Harriet when I pleaded to come west. I failed when I married Newman. I failed even when I was born—taking the life of my mother and the joy of my father. If I fail here, then what is left to me?
    â€œIf I fail to be a good mother to Ryan, then someone will come along and take him from me. And if I fail to bring this ranch back into prosperity, then I might well lose the roof over my head. I want to make things perfect, but I feel so inadequate. My life has been so far removed from perfection, and now that I finally have some say over it, nothing seems to be going right.” She sighed and added with an upward glance, “What do I do?”
    She felt the turmoil intensify and continued to read from Colossians.“ ‘Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.’ ”
    Jessica returned her gaze to the cottage. I’ve not been forbearing or forgiving, and I certainly haven’t put on charity. I’ve shown Devon Carter nothing but anger and resentment . She thought of the close, affectionate manner in which Devon handled Ryan, and her heart ached. The situation tested every emotion within her. On one hand she feared Devon’s involvement because of the Kappins. And on the other hand she feared Ryan’s reaction to