Free The Becoming: Ground Zero by Permuted Press, Jessica Meigs

missions, the young woman threw herself into the act of helping people with as much enthusiasm and focus as the rest of them. And on the previous nights when they were together, Remy never mentioned any dissatisfaction with her lot in life, outside of the norm for any of them.
    “It’s fine, Ethan. It’s just … I think my parents would have wanted me to help Avi,” Remy said softly. She looked down at her hands, a faint quaver in her voice. “I feel like none of us has a future. That we’re all just living on borrowed time, you know? It’s only a matter of time before the infected get us all. And if not that, we’ll run out of ammunition one day, or maybe food or water or something else really important, and then what? What’s going to happen when there are no more supplies left to gather? If we hit that point, we’re dead. And I don’t want to go out like that without having done something I would be proud of, something my parents would be proud of.” She paused and swallowed hard, running a hand over her eyes. “I just … I don’t want to be forgotten the minute I’m dead, like everybody else who’s passed on. If I do something really, truly meaningful, if I help what’s left of humanity in some big way, maybe that won’t happen.”
    Ethan looked at Remy, his eyes wide and his jaw hanging slightly open. He snapped his mouth shut and flopped into the overstuffed chair in the corner of the room, slouching ungracefully, his head leaning back against the chair. He ran his hand through his hair and tried to process what Remy had said.
    Ethan had no idea that the woman felt that way; he hadn’t known that she viewed the world they lived in as hopeless. He’d always maintained hope that the Michaluk Virus would be defeated, that humanity would bounce back as it had from countless other decimations and diseases. Even if not for him—he readily acknowledged there wouldn’t be much left for him if life ever resembled normal again—then for the others. He constantly fought to instill that hope in the rest of the group. He didn’t like that Remy thought that way. The woman was so young; she had so much to live for and a drive to survive unlike that of anyone Ethan had ever seen. Even if she did do stupidly risky shit from time to time.
    “You really feel that way?” Ethan asked. He dropped his hand to the arm of the chair and watched the brunette who sat nearly motionless at the end of his bed. She bit her bottom lip and stared at the floor, her back straight and her shoulders squared. The sad expression she wore reminded Ethan of one he’d seen on Cade’s face the year before, when the two of them hid in the basement of Cade’s house on the night Memphis began its fall. The sight made his heart hurt all over again. “You really think all of this is hopeless?” He waved his hand to indicate the world at large. “That we’re just buying time until we all bite it?”
    “Isn’t that what everyone is doing?” Remy asked. “Trying to barter for one more year, one more day? Even before Michaluk ruined us all, we did that.” She traced her finger along the edge of the blankets beneath her and spoke to the floor. “We’d get ourselves into trouble or receive some bad news, and we’d say, ‘Please God, just let me live through this. Just let me see another day.’”
    “That’s human nature, Remy,” Ethan said. “It’s just human nature to wish and hope and pray for things we might not get.”
    Remy nodded and sucked in a deep breath. “I keep thinking to myself, if I could have one wish, what would I wish for? And I know I’m supposed to choose something selfless, like maybe the Michaluk Virus just going away or never having happened or whatever. But all I can think about when I try to answer is my baby sister. I’d give anything to have Madeline back.”
    “And I would give anything and everything in the world for Anna,” Ethan admitted quietly. “But I know that’s not going to happen.