Free Pop Tarts: Omnibus Edition by Brian Lovestar

altered his timeline and was now not only going to be
homeless, but stuck in 1987 forever.
    What had he
done?
    Why had he done
it?
    Holly had left
about 20 seconds after he came over her tits.
    It was his
speciality by all accounts.
    But probably
just as well.
    Who knows what
might have happened if his ‘from the future self’ had impregnated
his ‘from the past girlfriend’?
    It would
probably have created Armageddon or something!
    Felix Jr.
stirred and Felix Sr. realised he was busted.
    “Dad? What are
you doing?” he asked, entering the kitchen with his pants on both
inside out and back to front.
    He opened the
fridge and took a swill of milk from a very 1980s looking glass
milk bottle, most of which missed his mouth and poured down his
bare chest.
    Felix Sr.
couldn’t help but berate his ‘from the past self’.
    “You look a
right state,” he declared. “What happened last night?”
    Felix Jr. was
so hung-over he didn’t notice Felix Sr. had ingeniously changed the
subject.
    “I don’t
remember,” Felix Jr. replied, puzzled.
    He’d forgotten
he was mobbed by a pack of buxom bosomed fans and been so
self-consumed that Holly had ditched him in total femme-fury.
    Had a fan orgy
taken place afterwards?
    Did it even
matter now?
    Felix had had
so many orgies over the years, they had all but blurred into
one.
    There was this
one time at least fifteen creatures had snorted cocaine off his
cock.
    I say creatures
as it was a mixture of woman, man, those yet to decide… and he
wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or not… but he swore there was a
pet Llama involved too.
    So a regular
few girl gang bang was certainly not going to register on his
memory wank-bank, some twenty something years later.
    But that was
beside the point.
    It was Felix
Sr. that had committed the ultimate sin, himself. And he was sure
he would be punished for it.
    He turned on
the radio and Star Trekkin’ was playing.
    Karma had
already begun.
    Felix Jr. went
to take a shower and there was a knock at the door.
    Felix Sr.
panicked thinking it might be Holly.
    He wasn’t sure
if he could face her either.
    But it wasn’t
Holly. It was 1987 Cherry.
    “Hi, I don’t
believe we have met?” she enquired. “Or have we?”
    Felix Sr.
freaked out for a moment.
    “No we haven’t.
I’m Felix’s Dad,” he finally replied.
    Cherry eyed him
up suspiciously as she entered the apartment with beady eyes.
    “Felix is in
the shower,” Felix Sr. said. “He won’t be long. Help yourself to a
cup of tea.”
    As she did,
Felix Sr. went to get changed, leaving the door slightly ajar.
    She followed
him and watched him change his underwear through the crack in the
door, noticing a tattoo of Felix the Cat on his bum.
    She licked her
lips, then returned to the kitchen to put some sugar in her
tea.
    Felix Jr. - as
shameless as ever – exited the shower and entered the kitchen,
clutching his crown jewels in just one hand and brushing his teeth
with the other.
    “Cherry, this
is a surprise,” he gurgled, startled.
    He returned to
the bathroom and as he did Cherry noticed the exact same tattoo on
his slightly peachier arse.

Chapter 23.
(Abracadabra)

    The game was
up.
    Fake Rhino had
to come clean about everything.
    Particularly
now being Only Rhino, having sent the other one off to live as Bob
Smith in Merthyr Tydfil, Wales.
    “Why did you
save me?” asked Cherry, rather liking the idea of having a knight
in shining armour and omitting the fact he had also been the one
that had imprisoned her in the first place!
    Oh those small
details we forget during a life and death crisis!
    Rhino admitted
he was originally out for pink revenge but had grown to like
Tequila Sun and being part of the band.
    He hadn’t
realised Jade was really Rita the rat, and quite literally so, as
the shape shifting bitch had morphed into one and then escaped.
    The pair had
come to telly Holly the truth.
    And Holly was
flabbergasted.
    She and Holly
agreed that Rhino was welcome to stay