Free The Magic Fart by Piers Anthony

good at it; sometimes I do think she cares.”
    “A demoness? I think not. They have no souls, no conscience, no love. They do what they have to, to get what they need.” “They don’t need love?” “All the sexual demons need is semen. But they are good actors.” “Well, I guess it’s an act I need. I really crave a woman to love, who loves me back. She makes a decent substitute. She assumes different appearances, pretending to be women or girls who find me irresistible. I go for that. It’s an association of convenience.”
    “Poor man,” she said sympathetically. “But with the assortment of members I gave you, you should be able to impress women.”
    “I want a woman who wants me for myself, not my fancy penis. A woman like you.” He paused. “I mean, not you yourself, but—”
    “One who matches my appearance, intelligence, and personality, but who isn’t all tied up in her profession. Who would have time for you.” “That’s it. I know it’s a foolish dream.” She sighed, and the motion extended into her vagina, generating another wave of feeling around the Spire. “Prior, you’re a decent man, and you have considerable courage, as your adventure on Mt. Icecream demonstrated. You’d make any woman a good if dull husband. If I were looking for a regular man, I’d consider you. But I’m not, and it wouldn’t be fair to you to pretend otherwise.”
    “I understand. But decent men don’t get the girls. It’s the big, strong, handsome, rich men who have girl appeal.” “Yes, of course. It’s our nature to desire that sort of thing, just as it is
    the nature of men to desire women like me and my sister.” “Tantamount,” he agreed. “I could have gone for her, if she hadn’t
    ripped off my penis.” Oubliette smiled. “But you repaid her for that, didn’t you! She had to
    vacate her practice and relocate.” “So I gathered. There were trucks loading smegma at her house.” She smiled again, the expression seeming to reflect internally as her flesh caressed the member pressing into her. “I must confess it was a fitting revenge. She wanted your smegma, and you gave her more than she could handle. That did alienate her.” “I guess so. Maybe I overdid it.” “Put it this way, Prior: if you were the last man on Earth, and she the last woman, she would chain you to a wall, rip off your penis, stuff dirt in your socket, and do a sexy striptease just out of your reach. Then she would consider how best to humiliate you.”
    He nodded, experiencing a twinge of guilt. He had behaved badly. “Can’t say I blame her.”
    “She swore me to secrecy about her situation, especially with respect to you.”
    He had figured as much. “So when Suzie said my ideal woman was in trouble, I just had to try to rescue her. It could be my only chance.” “Who is this ideal woman?” “I don’t know. Just that she’s the Maiden in the Tower, in a weird land called Fartingale. I have a week to rescue her, if I’m going to. So I’m on my way.”
    Her body tensed, and not because she had taken the Spire in another inch. “Any clue to her identity?”
    “None. I don’t think Suzie knew either. But she wouldn’t lie to me. My ideal woman, whoever she is, has been abducted and is captive, and I can rescue her if I act in time.”
    “I have heard of Fartingale. It’s one of the worlds the Statue Path ac cesses. An uncouth place.” “The Spire told me. Farts are a way of life there.” “She would absolutely hate it. She must be rescued.” “You know the maiden?” he asked, surprised. “I know her type. Every week they kidnap some innocent shapely woman and set her up for a year’s sex slavery to the man who wins her. They don’t mind if she’s horrified; in fact they like to see a maiden react. It adds to the pleasure of the man who abuses her. Certainly you must rescue her and take her away from there.” Now he had doubts. “But you know, if she really is beautiful, she might