Free Allegiance by Wanda Wiltshire

quickly became a knot of arms and legs. Ignoring the tangle of nerves in my throat I slid my hand across his ribs, down past his belly—lower still.
    Breathing fast, Jack thrust me away from him. He caught my hand and, clutching it hard, brought it to his neck. ‘What are you doing?’ he gasped.
    I freed my fingers from his, trailed them along his collarbone, then feather light down his chest. I nuzzled my face into his neck and concentrating hard to keep the tremble from my voice, murmured, ‘What do you think I’m doing?’
    ‘I told you already, you don’t have to.’ I looked into his eyes and the only way I could describe the expression on his face was tortured.
    ‘I want to,’ I whispered as I slid my hand down again and told the protesting voice inside to shut right up. Once more he reached for my hand, but this time he didn’t move it, just covered it with his own trembling fingers. His breath was rapid fire, burning fast and hot. I found his ear with my lips and softly said, ‘You said you wouldn’t stop me.’
    He groaned and wound his arms around me, clutching me tight, running his hand down my back, curling his fingers around my hip. He murmured, ‘You’re not ready for this. It’s not right.’
    ‘I am ready and it is right,’ I told him, sounding much braver than I felt.
    ‘I can’t resist you,’ he breathed. Then he covered us with the blanket and gave into me—but not completely—nowhere near completely.

    A week later I lay on the same stretch of sand where I’d dreamed of Leif, my head in Jack’s lap, singing happily. I looked up into his face. His eyes were fixed on the sea as he drew slow circles around my belly button with one tanned finger. As I watched,his expression changed from dreamy to alert and I felt his body stiffen. Before I had time to turn and see what had caused the change, he looked down at me. Strands of hair fell across his face. I reached up and pushed them away from his eyes before he could.
    ‘What, Jack?’
    ‘Do you love me?’ He was so serious.
    ‘You know I do… Why?’ He didn’t answer right away. ‘Jack?’ I prompted.
    ‘Will you always love me?’
    ‘Of course.’
    ‘Tell me,’ he demanded.
    ‘I will always love you,’ I said, then reached up and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him, just to see him smile.
    But he wasn’t smiling when he broke away from me—he looked desperate. ‘Would you make love with me?’
    I recalled our Friday evening by the river. ‘Jack, you’re the one who wouldn’t go there —remember?’ Although I’d been careful not to let him know my feelings, it had been a huge relief when he’d placed limits on just how far we should go.
    ‘But would you still—right now?’ There was something like sorrow in his voice.
    I didn’t like it and shot him a grin way more playful than I felt. ‘We could go back to your place, pick up where you left off the other night.’ My words were way bolder than I felt.
    Jack groaned. ‘Ah, don’t—that shouldn’t have happened. I know you’re not as ready as you’re pretending to be.’
    I couldn’t deny it and felt heat leak into my cheeks. But his next words turned the blush to one of irritation instead of embarrassment. ‘I feel like I’ve let you both down.’
    I frowned up at him. ‘Are you on about Leif again? What’s he got to do with it?’
    ‘Marla—’ he began, but I didn’t let him speak.
    ‘Anyway, I’ve made it perfectly clear I’m willing, so why ask?’
    ‘I needed to hear you say it.’
    Even though I wasn’t ready, I just wanted to get this sex thing done. It felt like a roadblock to get past. Taking that final step would cement our relationship—I was sure of it.
    ‘Any second now, you’re gonna thank me for not going there,’ Jack continued. ‘You’ll throw your arms around me and thank me with friendly kisses.’
    ‘As if!’
    ‘You will,’ he insisted quietly.
    I rolled my eyes. ‘Whatever, Jack.’
    He looked to the ocean and