Free Zombie Bums from Uranus by Andy Griffiths

the cockpit. ‘Mabel Freeman,’ she said, extending her hand towards Eleanor. ‘Also known as the Pincher.’
    Zack’s jaw dropped. So did Eleanor’s.
    Zack noticed her hand was trembling as she shook Gran’s hand and stuttered her name in reply.
    â€˜It’s a great honour to meet you,’ said Eleanor. ‘My father has told me a lot about you.’
    â€˜Oh?’ said Gran. ‘And who’s your father, soldier?’
    â€˜Silas Sterne,’ said Eleanor.
    â€˜Ah! Silas!’ said Gran. ‘I taught the little whipper-snapper everything he knows. Has he caught that Great White Bum yet?’
    â€˜You mean Zack hasn’t told you?’ said Eleanor.
    â€˜Told me what?’ said Gran.
    â€˜We haven’t exactly had a lot of time to chat,’ said Zack.
    â€˜Plenty of time for that later,’ said Gran, turning back to Eleanor. ‘First things first. What’s the situation, soldier?’
    Eleanor shrugged and glanced at Zack. ‘It’s bad news,’ she said. ‘A few hours after Zack left the Academy I picked up the approaching invasion of bums on the bum-radar. They seem to be coming from Uranus.’
    â€˜From my what?’ said Zack.
    â€˜No, you idiot,’ said Eleanor. ‘URANUS!’
    â€˜You mind your language, soldier!’ said Gran. ‘You’re not too old for me to box your ears, you know.’
    â€˜No, you don’t understand,’ said Eleanor. ‘The bums are from Uranus!’
    â€˜Language!’ said Gran crossly.
    â€˜I meant the planet,’ said Eleanor.
    â€˜Oh,’ said Gran. ‘My mistake.’
    â€˜I’ve seen them,’ said Zack. ‘They’re attaching themselves to people and turning them into zombies!’
    â€˜Zombie bums!’ said Eleanor. ‘I should have known it! Zombie bums from Uranus!’
    â€˜Did you say zombie bums from Uranus?’ said Zack’s bum.
    â€˜Yes,’ said Zack. ‘Zombie bums from Uranus!’
    â€˜Language!’ said Gran.
    â€˜I meant the planet, Gran,’ said Zack.
    â€˜The planet “Gran”?’ said Zack’s bum. ‘I thought you said Uranus!’
    â€˜Language!’ said Gran.
    â€˜No!’ said Zack. ‘I didn’t mean there was a planet called Gran. I meant the planet Uranus!’
    â€˜Language!’ said Gran.
    â€˜We’re talking about the planet!’ said Eleanor, Zack and Zack’s bum in unison.
    â€˜Oh,’ said Gran. ‘My mistake again. I thought you meant . . .’
    â€˜Oh, this is pointless!’ said Eleanor. ‘They’re from outer space, okay?’
    â€˜I thought you said they were from Uranus!’ said Gran.
    Eleanor groaned. ‘They ARE from Uranus!’ she said.
    â€˜Language!’ said Gran.
    â€˜I MEANT THE PLANET!’ shouted Eleanor.
    â€˜All right, all right,’ said Gran. ‘I may be old but I’m not deaf!’
    â€˜But how can you be so sure that that’s where they’re from?’ said Zack.
    â€˜Because my dad has seen them before,’ said Eleanor. ‘Remember he was away on a secret inter-planetary bum-fighting E-mission sorting out some sort of trouble on . . . ?’ She paused and glanced at Gran. She gave Zack a meaningful look. ‘On you know where,’ she said.
    â€˜Of course!’ said Zack. ‘So this was the trouble!’
    â€˜Well, sort of,’ said Eleanor. ‘And sort of not.’
    â€˜What do you mean, soldier?’ said Gran.
    Eleanor winced.
    â€˜Well, apparently the unmanned space probe, Voyager 2, sent back images showing that the rings around the planet Uranus were made up of bums,’ she said. ‘Dad went up there with two other bum-fighters to investigate. As you know, he was called back to help fight the bum-revolution on Earth.’
    â€˜So the other two bum-fighters are still up there?’